Are Memories Timeless Treasures Or Learning Experiences?

Published on by balroop singh22 Comments

Memories

Memories are those endless treasures, which we can keep exploring till eternity and bask in their glory like a slow swinging hammock!

Like Ellen Hopkins, let me ‘open that bottle of memories they’re pouring out like wine, crimson and bittersweet.’

We can completely get immersed the moment they start pouring out!

Heartwarming memories, some sweet, some bitter and vivid, long-lasting and precious…unforgettable fond memories, haunt us if we happen to be sensitive as they have a profound connection with our emotions.

Some memories stand before us with extended arms, ready to embrace us lovingly…the first crush, those hands ensconced into each other’s, those amorous glances…that walk in the rain, huddling together…the touch of your new born child, the most precious possession…myriad such moments are stored effortlessly in the mind’s eye.

Happy memories yearn for those times to return, resist and resent change.

Unhappy memories are tenacious, they get entrenched in our minds retaining their ghost like exterior… they can tear us apart with their piercing, menacing eyes.

Repressed memories get embedded in the subconscious mind despite our best efforts to shove them out.

Sometimes I have to close that inward eye to stop the reel of memories so that they bounce back into the subconscious mind.

Sometimes I hear those loud voices…let go…forget the past…detach, I dump all those memories and choose only joyous ones yet they keep returning whenever the connection emerges.

One of my colleagues had a magical eraser, which didn’t leave any mark on the sheet. Sometimes I wish such an eraser could be invented to expunge unwanted memories from our memory bank!

Have you ever thought why certain memories keep coming back?

Have you ever wondered why certain facts, songs, statements or situations can be recalled without any effort whereas important information or textual details have to be read again and again to recollect them?

Psychologists have called the former as implicit memory and the latter as explicit memory

It is this memory, which is called implicit that holds our moments…moments of delight, of exhilaration, of accomplishment, of pride and countless such emotional instants.

We hold them in high esteem, clutch them as if they were the only possessions worthmemories keeping and derive pleasure out of them during our hours of solitude. We keep interacting with them till we realize their material nature.

They come with a large baggage, which we refuse to give up!

“Forgetting isn’t enough. You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again and again and again. They circle you, like sharks.” – Sara Zarr

They also come with some profound lessons if we are ready to discern and digest:

  • Childhood memories are the strongest reminders of love and affection. Handle children with care.
  • Don’t invest all your emotions in one person. Memories of such a person can drain you.
  • Attachments are aching reminders of fond memories.
  • Dwelling in the past is futile as it retrieves painful memories.
  • All people we meet leave an impact on our life. Avoid negative people as much as you can.
  • Memorable people affect us deeply with their qualities. They give us good memories.
  • Earliest happy memories convey life-lessons of happiness and relaxation, which are picked up from parents and siblings.

Memories are like roses of various hues in their raw form, thorns are the natural attachments unless we scratch them away. I have embraced all the shades and tones and learnt from each one of them. I had no choice.

During the prime of our life we keep gathering them, unaware of the thistles, which start piercing us as we mature.

I have a very vivid childhood memory of a thorn, which pricked me, broke and got embedded in my finger. I came running to my mom, crying and wondering whether she could lessen my pain. She pulled the thorn out mercilessly, without caring to be soft.

I wish this memory too could have been pulled out as harmlessly as that thorn!

But memories are etched permanently on the canvas of our mind.

Do you have such memories? Have they been your learning experiences? I would love to hear your views.

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Balroop Singh.

Oasis Of Peace

Published on by balroop singh12 Comments

Blooming blossoms, whispering wind
Carried me far into the haven of peaceimages
Solitude softly spoke in serene tone,
We welcome weary travelers alone

Divesting dirty robes of dissent
We revel in the glorious sun
You too can embrace this light
Just follow it with smiling delight

The light that enlightens the mind
The light that permeates all around
Adds new dimension to thoughts
Guides us out of those knobby knots

Illumines those innate virtues
When we try to shake them off
In annoyance, in rage, in resentment
Leisurely hours are wistfully spent

Rejoicing in the new found glee
We sat and shared upon His knee
Palpable peace pervaded all around
Into which all dismay drowned.
© Balroop Singh.

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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When We Gather The Courage To Step Out Of Our Comfort Zone…

Published on by balroop singh34 Comments

Comfort Zone

All people don’t possess that courage, sometimes we are dissuaded by circumstances or some fears that lurk around keep warning us, whispering into our ears…is it that essential…aren’t you comfortable?

Do you know that ‘comfort zone’, though alluring is quite detrimental? It blocks our mind. It restricts our thinking. It encourages procrastination. It impedes our way to success.

Before we convince ourselves to step out, time flies, life passes by and we realize it is too late.

Too much of comfort makes us indolent and we start accepting life as it unfolds. We stop taking the risks. We forget that life is like a stream, not a lake, however beautiful it may seem.

I know a woman who believed in taking life easy. She never had any big goals; she was very fond of socializing and traveling. A fun-filled life motivated her more than her books. She had never taken her school and college assignments seriously, she had such friends who took pleasure in watching movies and organizing parties. She was not interested in balancing her life.

She happened to start her career as an elementary school teacher, just to earn some pocket money and that gave her great satisfaction. She had never thought beyond that but she happened to marry a very ambitious doctor, whose main interest was a successful profession. He tried to motivate her, persuade her and advise her to take her profession seriously. He reminded her that she was highly qualified.

Let’s call her Shimmer. She didn’t pay any attention to all that pep talk, which she had to hear every single day. She wanted to live in her comfort zone. She thought she wouldn’t be able to handle more than what was in her hands. She got a better break in a high school, which was nearer to her home and her daughter too could study there, so Shimmer changed her job, which seemed to be the best one to her, now.

The awakening hit her one-day when during an argument about her job; she was mocked at for being an ordinary teacher. This hurt her deeply because she knew she had never explored her capabilities. She knew she could accomplish whatever she wanted to.Comfort Zone

She just had to step out of her comfort zone! That off-the-cuff remark proved to be a defining moment for her career. She took up the challenge to prove her worth.

She applied for the top positions at various schools and got picked up by an upcoming school at the young age of 32. She never looked back. She took a fledging institution to envious heights. People of her age looked up to her for inspiration.

Self-belief can take you to unimaginable pinnacles. We just have to tap the power within us; we just have to gather the courage to step out of that comfort zone, which disempowers us.

Shimmer had never made any endeavor to check her potential. Many people are trapped in such situations. They never feel motivated to go beyond the ordinary to see what lies ahead.

The same carefree person, fond of a lot of leisure and fun has completely changed. Now her comfort zone is her school, her students and all those responsibilities, which she carries out most sincerely.

She happens to be my younger sister!

From an elementary school teacher to the illustrious Principal of a renowned school, the journey was quite smooth because a new challenge inspired her to step out of her comfort zone.

When we step out of our comfort zone:

  • We can work on those long forgotten dreams.
  • We can find new untrodden paths.
  • We can rediscover ourselves.
  • We meet new and interesting people.
  • We encounter new challenges.
  • We learn with every endeavor.
  • New avenues of growth unfold before us.

“We cannot expect to grow if we are too afraid or unwilling to change and face challenges. When we exit our everyday, mundane lifestyles to do something different we can experience growth, undiscovered strength, and new abilities within ourselves.” – Ashley Ormon

All we need is a little push but that has to come from within. It is our own inner voice that can nudge us and infuse new verve into us.

Do you lack that valor? Are you dwelling in your comfort zone? What inspires you? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh

Why People Get Disliked?

Published on by balroop singh24 Comments

Dislike

This question that I ask myself often may be having a thousand answers but none of them appeals to me. That doesn’t mean I have not disliked people. In fact my likes and dislikes have been quite strong and firm.

I have written about people and their demeanor earlier also. I have tried to study the behavior of people around me, without really making any judgment albeit they think the opposite.

I have also tried to understand what being judgmental is.

Isn’t it human tendency to observe, to think and to form an opinion? That is just what I have been trying to do.

If forming an opinion is being judgmental, then I am!

I know many people who must have disliked me. All those who exhibited it openly gained my appreciation. I consider my critics to be my well-wishers. I have learnt a lot from their dislike.

If you have never given a thought to getting disliked, then you are welcome to scrutinize the following reasons:

Candor:

We don’t share our view candidly because we know that candor is the root cause of getting disliked. So what if it makes us hypocritical!! Isn’t it an accepted behavior? I have always disliked shrouding…especially feelings and emotions. I discovered quite later in life that truth and transparency are expected but exploited and disliked. It is so self-harming that our honest and straightforward outlook can be easily manipulated to let us down.

Silence:

So is silence. Those who choose silence and consider it ‘to be golden’ offend others unknowingly. Silence is a mute weapon, which is much sharper than words. Lack of communication breeds dislike as it gives an impetus to imaginative thoughts. Bias or pre-conceived notions become the basis of forming opinions. It is therefore imperative to share our perspective on all those situations, which concern us and can harm relationships.

Arrogance:

It directly leads us to dislike because it is very difficult to have a pleasant interaction with arrogant persons who have the tendency of dwelling in self obsessed realms of exalted nature. Would you like being called inexperienced, ignorant and imprudent? Would you like to be intimidated and bullied into whatever they want? I am sure anybody who challenges our self-esteem gets disliked.

Body language:Dislike quote

Certain kinds of body language can be very offensive. People who don’t want to say anything directly convey their words through this language and get disliked. Eyes can convey dissent much louder than words. A smirk can speak volumes about what goes on in your heart. Just your posture of standing and looking can belittle others.

Disrespect:

Respect is the foundation of all relationships. You may get disliked despite your best efforts to nurture a friendship if there is lack of respect. Respect and like are two pals, which move hand in hand. When somebody constantly puts you down, when your positive actions are misinterpreted and ignored, it is a clear sign of dislike.

Pretensions:

A fake behavior is like a double-edged sword. It can work both ways, harming the pretender as well as the person who dislikes such charades. When we pretend to be kind and considerate, when we put up a mask of friendship to betray and when we lie to keep up the appearances, we eventually get disliked. Nobody around us is such a big fool not to see through those shams.

Bragging:

It may not harm anybody but too much of self-praise often puts us off. I had such a colleague who would brag about all her achievements loudly, forgetting that many of those were very evidently the result of team-work but she would go on and on, gloating in self-perpetuated glory, failing to notice the meaningful smiles on the faces of others.

Dislike in itself is the biggest monster, which strikes emotionally imbalanced individuals. Most of the times they don’t know how to handle their anger and angst and therefore their frustrations overpower them. Since it is so easy to shift the blame, their illusionary world of dislike widens.

“I don’t dislike my haters, they dislike me. I’m doing nothing wrong. I’m just being me.” – Jaime Lopez

It is better to convey dislike in clear words to convert it into a healthier emotion. It may hurt us for a moment but it also helps us in understanding and working on our imperfections.

Have you been disliked by others? Do you have any other reasons of dislike in mind? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh