people – Page 18 – Emotional Shadows

When You Meet An Author And Discover A Paragon Of Friendship…

Published on May 22, 2016May 22, 2016 by balroop singh43 Comments

Friendship quote

I have always been an introvert, probably because of the protective environment in which I was encased as a child and a teenager. I have been never good at making friends and after a particular age I just gave up!

My earliest memory of trying to make friends is that of trying to help everyone with their homework. There were many shirkers who would come to our class without doing their homework and I would offer to do it for them!

Then I had to change my school and was at sea, sitting alone in one corner when this girl (who later became my best friend) approached me with a question…friend, what is your name?

What an easy way to make friends, I thought but I could never learn it.

I have a very limited number of friends and I can count them on my fingers but I can proudly declare that they are my true friends; I can fall back on them and they would respond immediately.

Digital world has been a blessing for me! I found it so easy to make friends online and I have made some wonderful friends. Thinking of meeting them has been out of my imaginative expanse.

Sometimes reality knocks at our imaginative ingresses louder!

One such doorway opened last week when I met Joe and his vivacious wife Becky.

Joe Perrone Jr. met me through his blog and I liked his witty style of writing…more so as he took pleasure in laughing at himself.

I didn’t even know where he lived till I happened to mention that I would be visiting Asheville. A few instant clicking of our digital devices and there we were…face to face, shaking hands, sharing lunch and ice-creams along with never ending conversation, which was as vibrant as dear Becky!

Joe asked me are you ba..roop, I replied BaLroop, with a stress on L! And the laughter that cheered our hearts still encompasses me.

Earlier, when I told my husband that we were going to meet one of my blogger friends, he said ‘what would you talk’…oh we would see, said I, almost to myself and convinced him that it would be fun. Indeed it was!

I didn’t have to think what to talk as the conversation flowed so spontaneously that we forgot we had met for the first time…it was like meeting old friends after a long time and catching up with all the stories we had to share.

Never was there an awkward moment, which we often face when we meet an acquaintance. Not a word appeared out of place. I give all the credit to my dear friends Joe and Becky and their art of conversation.

Many topics were discussed, the most interesting being how he met his wife Becky, the prettiest and the most charming face, having the brightest eyes behind those spectacles.

That day I carried some profound lessons in my heart:

Friendship is not counted in the number of years we spend together but the mirthful moments of delight it offers us.
Friendship evokes your inner virtues through honest conversation.
Friendships can never diminish by distance.
Some gifts are such, which only we can give to ourselves.

friendship

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections about your friends.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

How To Deal With Insensitive People

Published on May 15, 2016 by balroop singh44 Comments

Insensitive People

Insensitive people are all around us in the form of friends, family members, bosses and masked well-wishers. They spread their negative energy around us with their desires, diktats and decrees.

I have already written why people are insensitive, which is easier to understand than dealing with their behavior.

Often we get weary of the environment such people create and try to shun them yet we have to face them if they happen to be around us in the form of our family members. If they can’t be avoided then we must figure out the ways to deal with them.

My immediate boss was quite insensitive and judgmental. Most of my colleagues would try to please her by nodding their heads to whatever she said or expected. I could never be herded like cattle and so was always the target of her wrath.

I have had an early introduction to insensitivity, which endowed me with some capability to face such people.

Here are some ways to deal with them…

Understand them:

It is very easy to condemn others and arrive at our own conclusions about the way people behave. We never give a thought to why they do so. We feel it is not our problem!

How people treat you is all about them…and their personality, which reveals their real self in a subtle manner. You have to be intuitive enough to pick up those vibrations.

People react to your personality, potential and work according to their own perception, capability and emotional intelligence.

When people are rude, negative emotions dominate their behavior.

They could be anguished by their own frustrations
They could be struggling with their own problems
Somebody could have instigated them

When they are disrespectful

They could be biased
They could have been raised like that
They consider themselves self-righteous
They could be doing it out of spite

When they are indifferent

They can’t think beyond their own selves
They consider emotions to be pointless
They could be weak-minded

When they are disloyal

They are guided by their own insecurities
They could be self-centered
Financial instability cripples their thoughts

If we try to understand their circumstances, we may develop empathy for such people.

Easier said than done? I agree! But if your spouse happens to be insensitive to your love and concern, if he/she doesn’t acknowledge what all you do to make the home a happy place, how much effort goes in bearing insensitivity, you can’t just walk out of his/her life.

You have to devise ways to deal with insensitivity.

Convey your hurts, talk to them:

I would not like to say that it is easy. Only a patient and understanding person can do so as a lot of energy and emotions are involved in talking to such a person who can’t see logic. Each time you try to explain your view, they tune off as they live in their own world.

They have never been taught to respect the opinion of others. They fail to see beyond their own hurts, which appear to be mammoth. It can be emotionally draining but if you want to keep them in your lives, keep the channel of communication open. Talking helps

They would try to duck your questions.

They would prefer to remain silent.

They could even lie to avoid any discussion.

Why? Because they don’t want to expose their weaknesses. Actually such people are very weak at heart. Kindness doesn’t reach them…probably they have never seen it and feel confused.

I wouldn’t say you should give up your own kindness. This is a testing time but how far can you push your limits and let the other person cross your boundaries is what matters.

A reminder – Never accept emotional abuse. Self-love and self-esteem should never be trespassed while dealing with such persons.

Love and kindness doesn’t flow naturally, it has to be nurtured. If the other person doesn’t respond well, if strife is all that is around you, keep your thoughts positive. Positivity can be miraculous but you are the best judge to decide whether it is the time to step away.

Learn to take your own decisions. Too much dependence and too much goodness can be frustrating. Learn to strike a balance between love and servitude.

Sometimes give them back:

Use strong words to convey what you have been saying softly. Remind them how much you have done to boost their respect. Sometimes they understand the language of reprimand better than modesty.

If they withdraw into their shell, challenge them out. Tell them to convey their grievances openly. This step may reveal the reasons of their insensitivity.

I am sure you would emerge emotionally stronger, resilient and wise. The best lessons are learnt in the furnace of living through challenging situations.

Do you know any such person who is insensitive? Have you ever experienced the stress of dealing with such people? I would love to hear your views.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

Live Life Your Own Way

Published on April 30, 2016 by balroop singh36 Comments

happiness_quote_3

‘Do not dilute your joy’, says my friend.
What if others try to rob you?
What if you think they are right!
What when people drag you down…
Deliberately designed efforts
At concealing their mean malice

You can figure out but deny
You give a benefit of doubt.
When doubts prevail around
Listen to your heart
It knows you well
Only your heart can tell!

Disappointments don’t live long
Setbacks stay in your backyard
You just need to shrug them off
If you must dilute
Dilute judgments, disregard distress
Savor little moments of happiness.

Let the glow of positive thoughts
Permeate around your home
Let their incandescence
Scare the robbers away
If you must dilute
Dilute fears, disregard doubts

When you refuse
To be cowed down by circumstances
When you possess the potential
To turn tables around
Dilute your own efforts
As pleasing people is futile.

Live life your own way
Hold your joy in high esteem.
No one can control your thoughts
Till you let them
Listen to your heart, my friend
It knows you well.
© Balroop Singh.

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

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Why Are Some People More Emotional And Lovable?

Published on April 10, 2016April 10, 2016 by balroop singh30 Comments

Emotional intensity

Emotions rule the world…all emotional fools think so and I considered myself to be the one till I stumbled upon the research that recognizes ‘emotional intensity’ to be an authentic part of human brain.

These reflections are a consequence of tumultuous emotional phase that I have crossed successfully… emotions have been reigning over me for over a month now and I have understood why this space that I call my haven has been named ‘Emotional Shadows.’

However hard I try to push those shadows away, they keep on lingering, they come in various forms and always win me over to look at each situation from an emotional angle.

Probably I am born with a special streak, emotional aspects move me more than others albeit I am always searching for the reasons, which seem to be embedded somewhere in my DNA or my past.

Why are some people more emotional?

Why do some people get emotionally charged and others remain tranquil in the most challenging situations?

Scientists have found an answer to emotional intensity and responsiveness. Highly sensitive people are not abnormal and immature as they are dubbed to be! It is a ‘pattern of brain activation.’

They are extremely tuned to their environment due to an inherent trait called sensory processing sensitivity. (SPS) This trait is associated with their behavior and reactions.

Emotionally sensitive people are:

More aware
More understanding
Self-motivated
Highly expressive
Intuitive
Instinctive
Easily perturbed

They experience the world in a different manner. They could be gifted with some special qualities, which surface when they feel loved.

They are extremely endearing and engaging. Only those who come closer to understand them can really appreciate them.

They are loved because of their emotional intensity, which can be discerned in their demeanor and conversation.

They find joy in little events:

Since emotions rule them, they can derive delight from insignificant events like running into an old acquaintance or a visit to their childhood home. Their attachments define them and they love to spend time in the past, reliving those moments and refreshing the memories.

They possess a passion for learning:

They dive headlong into every new activity that interests them. Age doesn’t dissuade them as they ride on the emotional wings of hope. Whatever they take up, they put their heart and soul into completing that task, without caring for the perils that they might encounter.

For them, all dreams are real:

They can never get deterred by the warnings and hazards rather get stimulated by them. They focus on their dreams with the same emotional intensity as their love for relationships, which are extremely important for them. They offer their best and expect the world to be good and kind.

Positive power drives them:

They may be having their dark moments but they don’t get frustrated easily as a unique positive energy within them makes them ride those dark horses to gallop away into the world they love to dwell in. Positivity is the hallmark of their personality. They possess the power to inspire others.

Emotionally sensitive people exhibit their emotions with pride and that eventually becomes their strength. They do not believe in hiding their sentiments and that is why they are lovable…only if you appreciate emotions!

Emotionally strong

“Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional.
Let this be a sign that you’ve got a big heart and aren’t afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength.” – Brigitte Nicole

Are you emotionally more sensitive than expected? I would love to hear your views.

Thank you for reading this. Your support is immensely appreciated.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

I Learnt To Be Positive On The Way…

Published on February 28, 2016 by balroop singh37 Comments

Positive thinking

I have always dared, dared to speak out my mind, dared to take my own decisions, dared to quit whenever I wanted to.

It was not easy and it wasn’t permitted. Yes! Permissions have to be taken… sadly at each and every aspect of life!

People like to hold you back because they want to control you; they could be insecure or jealous. They restrict your decisions to remain all-important in your life. You like to listen to them thinking they could be right, they could be your well-wishers but the reality could be quite different and you may never even know what made them hold you back from pursuing your own dreams, taking your own decisions and acquiring confidence.

Self belief:

There was a time when I didn’t trust myself but a strong self-belief kept me going till I discovered all the distrust factors were external, that they were not my own fears, they were created. When the realization dawned, I was amazed at my strength and conviction.

Intuition:

There is no doubt that it built over the years but all those controlling factors endowed me with an intuition beyond imagination. They contributed to my fortitude and determination to forge ahead.

Decisiveness:

I dared to resign my first job out of my own desire to set up my home and look after my child. I did that for my own happiness but it took me far beyond…I could spend blissful moments with my child, nurturing her impressionable years, adding joy to her infancy with my presence and those memorable moments stand before me now and smile at my scoffers who condemned my irresponsible decision of quitting a very secure job.

Candor:

I could never wear a mask to please others; I could never pay a compliment if the words didn’t emerge from my heart; I could never be pressurized to follow the crowd.

I would reiterate that it is not easy. You get disliked and judged, people assume you are arrogant and may even shun you. My mettle steered me through those challenges and I could find some gems in the form of loving friends who understand me and admire me for what I am. Dare to be different