Tag: life

When You Meet An Author And Discover A Paragon Of Friendship…

Published on by balroop singh43 Comments

Friendship quote

I have always been an introvert, probably because of the protective environment in which I was encased as a child and a teenager. I have been never good at making friends and after a particular age I just gave up!

My earliest memory of trying to make friends is that of trying to help everyone with their homework. There were many shirkers who would come to our class without doing their homework and I would offer to do it for them!

Then I had to change my school and was at sea, sitting alone in one corner when this girl (who later became my best friend) approached me with a question…friend, what is your name?

What an easy way to make friends, I thought but I could never learn it.

I have a very limited number of friends and I can count them on my fingers but I can proudly declare that they are my true friends; I can fall back on them and they would respond immediately.

Digital world has been a blessing for me! I found it so easy to make friends online and I have made some wonderful friends. Thinking of meeting them has been out of my imaginative expanse.

Sometimes reality knocks at our imaginative ingresses louder!

One such doorway opened last week when I met Joe and his vivacious wife Becky.

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Joe with his lovely wife Becky

Joe Perrone Jr. met me through his blog and I liked his witty style of writing…more so as he took pleasure in laughing at himself.

I didn’t even know where he lived till I happened to mention that I would be visiting Asheville. A few instant clicking of our digital devices and there we were…face to face, shaking hands, sharing lunch and ice-creams along with never ending conversation, which was as vibrant as dear Becky!

Joe asked me are you ba..roop, I replied BaLroop, with a stress on L! And the laughter that cheered our hearts still encompasses me.

Earlier, when I told my husband that we were going to meet one of my blogger friends, he said ‘what would you talk’…oh we would see, said I, almost to myself and convinced him that it would be fun. Indeed it was!

I didn’t have to think what to talk as the conversation flowed so spontaneously that we forgot we had met for the first time…it was like meeting old friends after a long time and catching up with all the stories we had to share.

Never was there an awkward moment, which we often face when we meet an acquaintance. Not a word appeared out of place. I give all the credit to my dear friends Joe and Becky and their art of conversation.

Many topics were discussed, the most interesting being how he met his wife Becky, the prettiest and the most charming face, having the brightest eyes behind those spectacles.

That day I carried some profound lessons in my heart:

  • Friendship is not counted in the number of years we spend together but the mirthful moments of delight it offers us.
  • Friendship evokes your inner virtues through honest conversation.
  • Friendships can never diminish by distance.
  • Some gifts are such, which only we can give to ourselves.

friendship

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections about your friends.

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Balroop Singh.

 

 

How To Deal With Insensitive People

Published on by balroop singh44 Comments

Insensitive People

Insensitive people are all around us in the form of friends, family members, bosses and masked well-wishers. They spread their negative energy around us with their desires, diktats and decrees.

I have already written why people are insensitive, which is easier to understand than dealing with their behavior.

Often we get weary of the environment such people create and try to shun them yet we have to face them if they happen to be around us in the form of our family members. If they can’t be avoided then we must figure out the ways to deal with them.

My immediate boss was quite insensitive and judgmental. Most of my colleagues would try to please her by nodding their heads to whatever she said or expected. I could never be herded like cattle and so was always the target of her wrath.

I have had an early introduction to insensitivity, which endowed me with some capability to face such people.

Here are some ways to deal with them…

Understand them:

It is very easy to condemn others and arrive at our own conclusions about the way people behave. We never give a thought to why they do so. We feel it is not our problem!

How people treat you is all about them…and their personality, which reveals their real self in a subtle manner. You have to be intuitive enough to pick up those vibrations.

People react to your personality, potential and work according to their own perception, capability and emotional intelligence.

When people are rude, negative emotions dominate their behavior.

  • They could be anguished by their own frustrations
  • They could be struggling with their own problems
  • Somebody could have instigated them

When they are disrespectful

  • They could be biased
  • They could have been raised like that
  • They consider themselves self-righteous
  • They could be doing it out of spite

When they are indifferent

  • They can’t think beyond their own selves
  • They consider emotions to be pointless
  • They could be weak-minded

When they are disloyal

  • They are guided by their own insecurities
  • They could be self-centered
  • Financial instability cripples their thoughts

If we try to understand their circumstances, we may develop empathy for such people.

Easier said than done? I agree! But if your spouse happens to be insensitive to your love and concern, if he/she doesn’t acknowledge what all you do to make the home a happy place, how much effort goes in bearing insensitivity, you can’t just walk out of his/her life.

You have to devise ways to deal with insensitivity.

Convey your hurts, talk to them:

I would not like to say that it is easy. Only a patient and understanding person can do so as a lot of energy and emotions are involved in talking to such a person who can’t see logic. Each time you try to explain your view, they tune off as they live in their own world.

They have never been taught to respect the opinion of others. They fail to see beyond their own hurts, which appear to be mammoth. It can be emotionally draining but if you want to keep them in your lives, keep the channel of communication open.Talking helps

They would try to duck your questions.

They would prefer to remain silent.

They could even lie to avoid any discussion.

Why? Because they don’t want to expose their weaknesses. Actually such people are very weak at heart. Kindness doesn’t reach them…probably they have never seen it and feel confused.

I wouldn’t say you should give up your own kindness. This is a testing time but how far can you push your limits and let the other person cross your boundaries is what matters.

A reminder – Never accept emotional abuse. Self-love and self-esteem should never be trespassed while dealing with such persons.

Love and kindness doesn’t flow naturally, it has to be nurtured. If the other person doesn’t respond well, if strife is all that is around you, keep your thoughts positive. Positivity can be miraculous but you are the best judge to decide whether it is the time to step away.

Learn to take your own decisions. Too much dependence and too much goodness can be frustrating. Learn to strike a balance between love and servitude.

Sometimes give them back:

Use strong words to convey what you have been saying softly. Remind them how much you have done to boost their respect. Sometimes they understand the language of reprimand better than modesty.

If they withdraw into their shell, challenge them out. Tell them to convey their grievances openly. This step may reveal the reasons of their insensitivity.

I am sure you would emerge emotionally stronger, resilient and wise. The best lessons are learnt in the furnace of living through challenging situations.

Do you know any such person who is insensitive? Have you ever experienced the stress of dealing with such people? I would love to hear your views.

Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections.

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Balroop Singh.

 

 

Why I Salute My Mother Silently Each Mother’s Day…

Published on by balroop singh39 Comments

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My mother is a very simple, naïve and kind-hearted person. She has been forgiving everyone, without claiming to be angelic, without giving any credit to herself and her goodness.

As a child I couldn’t understand her, didn’t like the way she responded to my needs and desires. I didn’t like the way she let things be. I detested her lack of action against the atrocities she could tolerate.

She passed on mute messages. I am glad I could gather them.

Alas! I couldn’t appreciate her sterling qualities. My dominating and aggressive father had overshadowed her real characteristics and never let her grow into the kind of woman she could have been.

She became whatever circumstances demanded her to be. She adjusted to all kinds of situations, without any resentment. Probably she didn’t have a choice. She was conditioned to accept the unwritten norms of the society she lived in.

Her empty insensitive words could not affect me but her suffering and struggle did.

What she taught me, without telling me was more effective:

Love is not a trophy to exhibit:

I had a strange relationship with my mother till a particular age. I always thought she doesn’t love me as my focus was always on her unsavory comments she passed on my rebellious nature and me. Never did she say the word ‘love.’ Probably she herself had never been loved. Orphaned and married at 13, she had no exposure to finer emotions, which are picked up from a loving family.

The word ‘love’ always remained subdued in my life too as it had never been nurtured. I came to know it as a silent emotion, which could be felt deep down in our hearts…it was unconditional; it was listening and complying with all the diktats of the family and the society.

Self-love was taboo. It was being selfish.

Strength is the quality of the mind:

The impressionable years of my adolescence were molded in the cauldron of hostile circumstances when my mom struggled all alone to raise three children. Widowed at a very young age, she didn’t let the society pressurize her into giving in to depend on the hungry wolves, waiting to devour her and her husband’s property, her sole source of meager income.

Her resilience was worth emulating, her sacrifices sacrosanct and her courage inimitable. She became an incarnation of inspiration for me. Her strength left an indelible mark on my personality albeit I realized it much later in life.

Detachment is a way of life:

She has never been clingy and gave away all she had, without worrying about her own future welfare. She could detach most naturally though she is visibly shaken inside. She could never find enough words to express herself well but she made us capable of reading those repressed emotions. My gratitude goes to her for giving us the wings, for freedom of thought and expression, for never forcing anything down our throats.

Acceptance is not a sign of weakness:

It strengthens us mentally and emotionally; it acquaints us with our weaknesses, our failures and follies and renews our energy to deal with our emotions effectively.

Now I know why my mom accepted all that came her way.

Now I can see the value of each tear she shed alone and how it endowed her with greater toughness.

Now I can figure out why her words were so acerbic as they depicted her own pain, which I could not see at that phase of life.

I salute you dear mother, for making me what I am today.

I owe an apology to you for misunderstanding you; for underestimating your anguish and angst. I know it was your love for us, which made you toil day and night to give us an economically secure and brilliant future.

I wish you the best of opportunities and lot of love in your next life, if there is any.

I pray for your good health and happiness till your last journey, which I know has to be peaceful if God sees the truth.

Mother

Thank you for reading this. Please share your reflections about what you learnt from your mother.

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Balroop Singh.

 

Live Life Your Own Way

Published on by balroop singh36 Comments

happiness_quote_3

‘Do not dilute your joy’, says my friend.
What if others try to rob you?
What if you think they are right!
What when people drag you down…
Deliberately designed efforts
At concealing their mean malice

You can figure out but deny
You give a benefit of doubt.
When doubts prevail around
Listen to your heart
It knows you well
Only your heart can tell!

Disappointments don’t live long
Setbacks stay in your backyard
You just need to shrug them off
If you must dilute
Dilute judgments, disregard distress
Savor little moments of happiness.

Let the glow of positive thoughts
Permeate around your home
Let their incandescence
Scare the robbers away
If you must dilute
Dilute fears, disregard doubts

When you refuse
To be cowed down by circumstances
When you possess the potential
To turn tables around
Dilute your own efforts
As pleasing people is futile.

Live life your own way
Hold your joy in high esteem.
No one can control your thoughts
Till you let them
Listen to your heart, my friend
It knows you well.
© Balroop Singh.

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

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When Darkness Overwhelms…

Published on by balroop singh31 Comments

When darkness overwhelms

My blogger friend Joe Perrone recently asked me whether I have written any fiction. This is my answer to his question:

An excerpt from the book I hope to finish one day:

This was my haven, my little island of solace where I could talk to myself. It was not always so soothing as in this dark room I have spent many hours, all alone, weeping, wishing and praying. I have spent many days thinking…what was my fault, why was I blamed, why was I slapped. I have often cursed myself for offending others.

I looked out of the little window to see some light. I craved for company, a friend, a loving person who could answer my questions. It was at such times that I tried to analyze people with my little and limited thinking. The world appeared to be a cruel place, emotions seemed quite useless and ‘love’ was just a hollow word. How could those girls, my so called friends, say they loved their mom!

I couldn’t understand what is love, as I had never seen it. What I had seen was yelling and intimidation. Fear was a very familiar emotion and I got so close to it that it steeled me. This strength was building up with the kind of atmosphere I lived in. I didn’t share my hurts with anybody. I became an introvert. I could never be comfortable in the company of friends.

A day came when I lost all sense of time I spent in this room. It ceased to be dreadful as I made friends with those bare walls that terrified me. I liked being there, away from those insensitive people around me, pretending to be my well wishers, my so called parents, one of whom was always absent and the other always in rage.Darkness quote

I started enjoying those punishments in the dark room. I would hide my color pencils in some corner to enjoy my time in a fruitful manner. I stopped weeping and cursing myself. I invented new games of using my color pencils as candles to decorate my imaginative house. I learnt to smile and refused to be sad just because certain people took pride in disciplining me in their own manner.

If I emerged smiling out of this room, two of my bullish brothers would frown, wondering what gave that vitality to my cheeks! They mocked at me for having missed the regular play hour and I had a lot of homework to finish. Learning the tables took most of my time and I hated them.

Even this dark room could not stay with me for long. We moved out of that house into a brand new big house. Now we had our own rooms and there was no dark room. I knew all my friends abandoned me, probably I was what I had been branded to be – ill-fated!

I loved this new home, the fragrance of new paint and wood. I could experience the friendship of all the nooks and crannies that I explored the very first day I stepped into this house. It cherished my dreams, cushioned my lonely moments, provided solace to my disappointments, gave shape to my adventures and inspired me to aspire high.

Every wall was a supporting shelter, how much I could share my thoughts with them, silently! But I could never forget that dark room, which taught me how to dream.

Thank you for reading this story. Please share your reflections, they are much appreciated.

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©Balroop Singh.

Image adapted from