Are You Ready To Change Your Outlook To Have Fun-filled Holidays?

Published on by balroop singh12 Comments

old-town-holiday-lights-003-275Holidays have been celebrated since ancient times and they were always associated with simple, joyous activities. No longer so! Holidays now arrive with a lot of obligations and compulsions – all man made!

If you find Holidays stressful, you are not alone. I have heard a lot of people complain about that.

Did you notice the word ‘complain’?

Dwell on that. Contemplate, chew, ponder, think – why complaints?

LETS STOP COMPLAINING:

When our mind veers towards negative words, there is the need to rethink, change our perspective and alter our ways of handling the situation.

As children we always enjoyed the holidays, the luxury of sleep without the admonishing warnings of getting up and following the set routine, the ephemeral moments of running around the house, coming up with new demands everyday, gathering friends and exploring our surroundings…the activities were endless!

But my mom was always stressed, wished the holidays to get over soon. Probably she could not devise enough activities to keep us engaged. Probably we kept her too busy.

When holidays lose their charm and become a burden, we can’t shift the blame to those wonderful days, which we get to celebrate, enjoy and relax.

We have to unearth the ways to make them thrilling.

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source: pinterest.com

CHOOSE WISELY:

The choice lies with us. In our quest to overdo, we ruin the fun part; we forget the real sentiment attached to these exquisite days.

If you are stressed about the gifts, what is the need to give now? There are many occasions to give. It is the commercialization of festivities that have added to our stress.

We can refuse to be guided by those advertisements, which are meant to lure.

What is the need to wait for discount offers and long queues? The choice is yours!

Why give only to friends and loved ones who have plenty?

Why not give to the needy and soak in the feelings of becoming a philanthropist? The choice is yours!

If you are stressed about the decorations, keep them simple.

If you are stressed about overspending, plan and reduce the number of gifts. Once again the choice is yours!

If you don’t like the crowds and getting stuck in traffic jams, plan ahead or buy online.

If you are worried about weight gain, avoid overeating.

If interaction with some family members puts you off, have the heart to forgive and forget.

I know it is easier said than done.

We can train and tune our mind to accept one strategy at a time.

RELAX AND ENJOY:

  • Nothing is perfect, why crave for perfect conversations and flawless food.
  • Quit competitive spirit.
  • You don’t have to come up to someone’s expectations.
  • Shake off all the angst and guilt.
  • Choose what makes you and your family happy.
  • Reserve some time for yourself.

Fun lies in celebrating with those you love, those who can make the occasion memorable, those who don’t expect expensive gifts and who treasure the moments of togetherness.

Fun lies in being you. Follow your heart. Love the holidays. Count your blessings. More will follow!

Here’s wishing you Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

Please share the wishes at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. It is much appreciated.

Balroop Singh

 

 

How To Detach From Toxic People Who Are Unavoidable

Published on by balroop singh29 Comments

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Toxic people are all around us. They meet us in the form of friends, family members, colleagues and neighbors. They may not consider themselves to be toxic; they can meet you most warmly and even can be good friends.

They focus on themselves; they are obsessed with their own pains and pleasures and are always on a look out for a person who falls an easy prey to their ambitions.

Some of them are highly toxic; they spit their venom all the time while others are endurable. But difference in their degree doesn’t make them any pleasant.

While I write this, two persons come to my mind.

One was so good and fun loving that I was surprised to see her negativity when I met her after a gap of ten years. She was a very dear friend who was also my classmate. I knew her well; we had spent six years of our life together. What had changed her so much?

When I tried to analyze, I could understand that it was the toxic atmosphere of her home and the attitude of the person whom she had married, which had metamorphosed her into a toxic person.

I tried to help her see the positive aspects of her disappointments but couldn’t do much as she had fallen into the deadly abysses of pessimism.

The second one met me as a colleague, who claimed to be my friend but was the fiercest rival. She would shift all the blame, criticize every sane looking person, take even a casual remark personally, think that nobody could do any job better than her and manipulate each and every person and situation.

Have you met such people? Can you recognize their traits?

“Watch out for the joy-stealers: gossip, criticism, complaining, faultfinding and a negative, judgmental attitude.” – Joyce MeyerToxic People

If they happen to be in our families, it becomes very difficult to maintain distance from them.

They may not just wallow in self-pity and talk negative; they want our attention; they expect sympathy and try to influence us.

“We would do ourselves a tremendous favor by letting go of the people who poison our spirit.” –Dr. Steve Maraboli

How to detach?

Ignore them:

Wherever you happen to see them, the best option is to avoid them. If they don’t get your signal, don’t respond to their overtures of establishing any contact with you. If they become overbearing, there is no harm to tell them candidly that you don’t want to hear any gossip or negative talk. They might feel hurt but there is no need to feel guilty because this is the only way to close your door and convey that they need to mend their ways.

Never argue with them:

As Mark Twain said, “Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level”, similarly If you try to point out to toxic people that they are being unreasonable, you would be wasting your breath. Toxic people move in a straight line, their own line of make-believe. They never deviate from that path as it is always against their self-esteem. They don’t believe in respecting the opinion of others. If you try to challenge their beliefs, they can harm you inconceivably.

Keep your distance:

It is better to maintain some distance if they happen to be your colleagues, more so if he/she is your boss. Be cautious because they would try to provoke you, take advantage of you or assign you their own work too. They may even try to belittle you if you don’t respond to their unreasonable demands. Don’t get intimidated by their behavior. Face it and send the message that you are not going to take it.

Don’t feel guilty:

I have eliminated all the toxic people out of my life. It took many years to reconcile to the fact that they were toxic, it caused immeasurable pain to let go, the guilt lingered on for many days but it brought greater freedom and peace. It also brought the realization that when we cling on to certain people who are not adding any value to our life, who keep on pushing us down and shifting the blame of all their failures on us, who keep feeding on our goodness, we lose a part of our personality. We start doubting our selves.

Wish them well:

When you detach, stop thinking about them, have positive wishes for them in your mind, which would surely reach them. If they are the family members, they might consume a large chunk of your time and energy. Don’t let them gnaw at your emotions. Just accept the fact that they are not worthy of your love and concern.

Do you know such people? How do you deal with them?

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Thank you for your support. Please share your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

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Why Death Anniversaries Are NOT Emotional Moments

Published on by balroop singh16 Comments
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Source: pinterest.com

This week I had shared my thoughts about the emotions attached with birthdays from the spectrum of a girl who yearned for care, affection and recognition in a society mired in biases. I appreciate all those who shared their insights and memories.

One of my friends, Hariod Brawn said: “…anniversaries of all kinds may evoke strong feelings within one. For myself, the strongest are those dates on which a loved one died.”

When I felt it was strange, he responded…

“Why do you find it strange that anniversaries of deaths are more emotional for me? I think that is a universal and quite natural state of affairs. Is it not?”

I don’t think so. It is not universal.

Death anniversaries could be emotional for those whose loved ones leave after fulfilling all their promises that they had made to themselves and their loved ones.

Death is beautiful only when you have lived your life. When it comes suddenly in the prime of youth, when it leaves behind unfulfilled hopes and desires, it is nerve shattering.

Such death anniversaries become traumatic, not emotional.

Because emotions lie scattered and shattered at such a time, the shards are too piercing, discordant and acrimonious.

Because you are too confused to gather the debris

Because the mourning is deafening, it seems futile, a façade and proves ineffectual

Because a lot of people try to confound you with words that seem hollow and simulated

None of those words soothe you

All that is more prominent and understandable is indignation and exasperation – extreme sense of revolt against destiny or God, whatever you believe in.

When your whole world falls apart, when you have to abdicate the little joys of childhood, when you have to fend for yourself, when your so called well-wishers wait for you to falter and condemn you for your immature acts…

It is at such times that death anniversaries become meaningless.

They bring along harrowing memories and festering wounds, which never heal.

When each day is spent in remembering those lost moments of unfulfilled yearnings,

When each day seems an uphill drive, with steering in the hands of an adolescent,

When faith lies prostrate at the alter of destiny

Such Death anniversaries are NOT emotional; they lose their sheen.

They are distressing; they only afflict pain.

All the positivity and spirituality fades in the face of hunger, which stares at you at such times.

Mourning continues till we meet our loved ones…in Heaven.

IN GRIEF

 Their wailing grew louder
Onlookers stared, consoled
More mourners gathered.
Wailing became unbearable

It hit my heart.
Deep, down the chest
Some pressure, some unseen hand
Oppressed my breath.

Unspoken words, parched throat
Streaming tears
But no wails.
I could not wail. Must I?

Do I need to pretend?
Please! Will somebody understand?
Can you detach me from tradition?
Please leave me alone.

Let me feel that cold touch.
I am STILL in mourning.

This poem is an excerpt from my book ‘Sublime Shadows Of Life’ (available at Amazon.com) Here is the link: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00EBLWR0A

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Balroop Singh

 

Why Are Birthdays So Special And Emotionally Charged Moments

Published on by balroop singh24 Comments

sleeping2-c-akirahbabe.blogspot.com_Every year there was a day when this girl waited for darkness to descend soon. She also waited for the house to be quiet and then she cried her heart out, silently, to her pillow. The sobs would not subside till she fell asleep.

She knew nobody is going to empathize with her tears, she knew nobody would even ask what was her problem. She had known that for eight years now and she didn’t expect any words of affection.

The sobs of this little girl would have never ceased if the Birthday fairy had not given her the assurances. She caressed her long, soft hair and sat beside her. She told her very softly that there would come a time when people around her would not forget her birthday. She assured her that this day was going to be the happiest day of her life only if she waits a few years.

This childhood fantasy gave great solace to her, assuaged her hurts and raised her hopes.

The first few lessons she learnt were that a girl can never claim to be equal… that birthdays are only for boys…that girls have no right to question certain norms of her society.

But she also learnt to think positive.

She kept her hopes and expectations to herself. She didn’t want to share them in the fear of getting disliked.

Conflicting emotions churned in her heart and mind, trying to balance out.

Seeing seemed more powerful at that impressionable age but she didn’t let those impressions entrench themselves in her. She took an inspiration from the subjugation and discrimination, which stared starkly at her face.

Her promises to herself kept getting firmer with each year. She learnt new lessons with each put down and her resilience grew to unimaginable heights. In fact it became an invincible part of her personality.

At least she had the freedom of thought, she told herself. At least she had the capabilities to distinguish between virtues and vices. At least she had the opportunities of learning, which many around her were deprived of.

All who live in neglect are not that strong, they have the tendency to drift into negative crevices. They learn to accept all the atrocities calmly.

All are not so positive and imaginative to have met the birthday fairies!

For her, birthday was just another day till she met her soul mate.

Were childhood dreams true or was this just another phase of life? – this question often reverberated around her.

Yes, a day did come when there was no dearth of flowers, cards and wishes around her on her birthday.

It followed year after year. Her husband made this day special for her in all the loving ways. Her friends, her students and her children added brilliance with their smiles and wishes.

Birthday was not just another day now. It ushered in new delight, even the sunshine seemed to be special!

Birthday Quote

All this could be possible just because she met an open minded man who let her flower into a luminous personality, who didn’t impose his views on her, who didn’t consider her to be another woman of his era but respected her.

Celebrating birthday of all the children of the house is essential as:

  • It gives them pleasant memories,
  • Makes them sensitive
  • They learn the values of togetherness and love
  • They grow up into cheerful and confident individuals,
  • Happiness of those little moments, which make them the center of attraction, is a learning experience for them,
  • Highlights the importance of self-love

We all cherish childhood memories; clutch them all the more as we grow up; they conjure up those moments of delight when we look at a familiar spot or a child we love… and the childhood yearnings return.

Birthdays are those landmarks, which evoke such memories. Some special emotions are attached to them…love, gratitude, respect, admiration, pride and honor are imbibed effortlessly.

Do you have any such memories, which are difficult to share?

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

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Walls Do Respond To Emotional Attachments – Home Is Where The Heart Is!

Published on by balroop singh23 Comments

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It is quite natural to get attached to homes if we have invested our hearts into them. Even the walls of such homes become receptive.

Recently I happened to read an article, which stirred my emotions intensely and took me down the memory lane.

My dear friend Lisa Thomson says, “A house has no feelings or attachments. It doesn’t love us back. Walls really don’t talk, and that’s probably a good thing.”

We convert a house into a home when we get emotionally attached to it.

HOME THAT NURTURED ME:

The home in which I grew up is still very much a part of my ardent memories as this was the place that nurtured me from the age that was most impressionable.

The excitement of an eight-year-old child is still very fresh in my mind. I can smell the fragrance of new paint and wood even now. Whenever I go down the memory lane, I can experience the friendship of all the nooks and crannies that I explored the very first day I stepped into this house our father got designed for us.

This house cherished my dreams, cushioned my lonely moments, provided solace to my disappointments, gave shape to my adventures and inspired me to aspire high.

Every wall was a supporting shelter, how much I could share my thoughts with them, silently!

The walls of my room empathized with me when I didn’t sleep well due to examination fever. They rejoiced with me when I turned up the volume of my radio, to celebrate my little moments of joy. They resounded with my giggles in the afternoons.

As I grew up, every brick seemed so precious, every tree of the little garden I loved seemed to cherish my thoughts and provide solace to my distressing hours.

Then came the time to leave my treasured surroundings, my home.

I can still feel the tears of poignant parting on my cheeks.

I hate this age-old tradition of some countries – to leave your maternal home after marriage. The one who created this tradition must be a man for according to this orthodox convention, he doesn’t leave his home; he has the choice to continue living in it or sell it.

I thought I would keep coming back to my home whenever I wanted and I did during the initial years of setting up my new home.

It remains the epicenter of my dreams even now. All family get-togethers are hosted in this home even now… but in dreams.

I can no longer visit it in real life because it was sold…and that is another story!

love for home

HOME THAT DEFINED ME:

Despite all those attachments I had with that home, which remains the backdrop of all my dreams, I was pleased to find a new one that anchored me and promised myself to make it more loving than the one that had raised me.

A home cannot be built in a day…it encompasses in itself the dreams and the aspirations we hold close to our heart, the hopes that we gather with each passing day, the goals that we achieve together.

A home lounges on the care and affection we shower on each other, the time we offer to understand the needs and desires of a family, to live through the difficult times together and to support each other despite minor differences.

This home I acquired became my treasure house, a nest, which was filled with the babble of my little children and the love of my hubby. It accumulated and absorbed all the memories, all the celebrations and the moments of intense joy, of raising my kids and exult at their little achievements.

I have no doubt that even the walls around me shared my elation.

Time just whizzed by and before I could realize its pace, my kids grew up into fine individuals, ready to soar!

Now I could grasp the truth of this statement and what my friend Lisa has articulated: “Home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see is what is not there any more.” – Robin Hobb

THE VOID:

Though my work kept me very busy and the walls of my home as welcoming as ever but time stood still.

A part of me seemed to have walked away with my grown up children.

Now I just clung to my home and the loving memories that were attached to them. I tried to make it warmer with more pictures of my family.

I have been trying to understand the ironies of this life, which provides natural attachments.

I have been trying to detach from all those people and homes, which hold us to ransom, extracting all our emotions.

I have moved once again from my home, into which I had put my heart and soul to be near my children.

Now I have double memories and none of my dearest homes – one got sold and the second lies locked with all those treasures I had amassed!

Do you have any such memories and attachments? Do they haunt you?

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

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