Tag: positivity

Do We Do Everything For Our Own Selves?

Published on by balroop singh45 Comments

People do everything for their own self. When somebody said this to me long ago, I had dismissed the thought as useless banter, completely convinced that all we do is not just for ourselves. There are friends and family and bosses who receive our love, attachment and services.

I have seen my aunt working all day, doing all household chores with a smile, answering all my innocent questions why she didn’t get any time to rest and why she doesn’t get tired! She didn’t seem to work for her own self…one more convincing thought that reinforced that we don’t do everything for our own selves!!

Probably I wasn’t mature enough to understand or I didn’t want to. She worked all day because she didn’t have a choice. She had to make her place in the family she got married into. Those were the times when women who thought for themselves; got kicked out of the house they were married into.

This thought reverberated in my mind recently when I went to see a very sick friend who could barely recognize me or talk to me. As she lay there, struggling to talk to me in unrecognizable syllables, I felt so helpless. To be honest, I felt most uncomfortable and wanted to get out of her room as quickly as possible. I asked myself…‘what am I doing here?’

The answers that I tried to draw out of me were quite surprising and enlightening. ‘It was my moral duty.’ ‘I wanted to show I cared.’ ‘It was expected of me.’

All of them connected with me! Had I done this for my pride, my own ego and myself, in order to escape my own distress? Did I visit her for my own peace of mind?

Was it what experts call ‘psychological hedonism?’

Eager to seek more answers I went to the ultimate savior – ‘Google’ and discovered that Thomas Hobbes, the seventeenth century philosopher believed that ‘our self-interest reigns supreme in all our acts.’

I have spent many days pondering, watching, understanding and analyzing…small children grab and push to get their little goals accomplished, they refuse to share and have to be repeatedly told that sharing is a virtue. Siblings vie with each other to prove their worth, probably impelled by an innate competitive spirit.

Sportsmen do the same and even can hurt the players of another team to win.

We donate only those things, which we don’t need. Even those rich who donate liberally to exemplify their generosity make it a point to highlight their kind acts in one form or the other. All charity is done to satisfy our own ego, to gain recognition, fame and respect.

Are empathy, compassion and altruism mere words, which may compel us to put up a façade of humanity to alleviate the agony of others?

All we do for others can be summarized under three headings:

  • Moral duty, which we have to perform for our family and friends
  • Expectations of others to show that we are successful and working
  • Self-satisfaction

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” ― Aldous Huxley

All spiritual gurus and scriptures tell us that attachments are mere illusions. The sooner we detach ourselves from worldly possessions, the better it would be!

This paradox of accomplishing and then giving up with a smile and satisfaction has always confounded me.

Just look within and introspect! Ask this question to your inner self: ‘what have I done for others?’ I know many answers would crop up immediately but consider before blurting out…was it selfless? Did you do any good without expectations?

I agree with David Hume, “ There is some benevolence, however small, infused into our bosom; some spark of friendship for human kind; some particle of the dove, kneaded into our frame, along with the elements of the wolf and the dove.”

We have been trying to evolve into better beings. Good thoughts do influence us. Positivity does bring the best out of us but we need constant reminders so that those elements of ‘wolf,’ which are kneaded into our DNA, can be kept under wraps.

Many questions remain unanswered. Let’s discuss them in the comments section.

Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

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Balroop Singh.

 

Emotional Constraints Of Circles…How To Break Free?

Published on by balroop singh48 Comments

circles-of-life

Playing in circles have been the games of children, the most memorable one – ‘I wrote a letter to my father, on the way I dropped it…’ Circles never release us even when we grow out of those childhood games.

Emotions define us and make us human but they weaken us, as they possess the power to drag us down and go round and round in circles.

Life itself is an uncanny circle, William Shakespeare described it so well in his poem “The Seven Ages Of Man.” Can you escape it? Can you separate the emotional aspects of spheres that keep entangling you?

Natural gifts of the sun and the moon accentuate the role of circles in our lives. Whosoever thought that a marriage can be solemnized by going around in circles around the holy fire (fire-deity) must have got inspired from these truths of nature.

They overlooked the fact that moon doesn’t appear to be in its form all the time and the sun is too hot, symbolic of the heat generated by a marriage. They also ignored that when a sun is enclosed by clouds, it becomes powerless.

When you go round and round in circles, you don’t reach anywhere. It can be very agonizing and frustrating. Nothing seems to work according to your wishes and plans.

Whether it is a marriage or a stressful relationship, a job that you can’t afford to quit or family affairs that make you go round and round, offering no viable solution, life can become a struggle.

“Round and round in circles we go, clutching at successes we never grasp, endlessly tripping over the same old failures. Truly, life is the misery we endure between disappointments.” – Joe Abercrombie

All you need is change but it could seem impossible, scary and grim. My friend Lisa Thomson often speaks about it and how liberating change can be. But there are caveats attached to life-changing decisions and they are not easy. Emotional restrictions raise their heads most fiercely.

The struggle continues and sucks life out of you every single day.

When stepping out of the circles is not possible, liberation from asphyxiating circumstances can be done in our own way by the following steps, one at a time. Remember – ‘a single step can make the longest journey.’

Acceptance: If you don’t want to change, you need to accept the fact. It would bring some mental peace and calmness in the charged atmosphere. Certain things never change. Some people refuse to accept their role in creating unpleasantness. Learn to find your strength and confidence by leaving them with their perceptions. You can never change them.

Set your standards: Live according to your own desires and principles. Don’t sacrifice yourself and your own happiness for others, whosoever they may be. Never feel fettered to the ground situation. Think positive and follow the sunshine. Dark clouds have to disintegrate one day.circles-of-life

Live life in your own way: Don’t get intimidated or influenced by the emotions of others. Do what seems right and start taking your own decisions. Nurture self-love for healthy mental attitude. Compassion for our own self is equally important. Stop accepting excuses.

Lower your expectations: You may remain your former self and let your goodness permeate your surroundings. Be positive but don’t expect anything in return. Let that message pass around to all who try to annoy you with their petty acts.

Nurture hope. If you don’t have any hope from people around you, if they have disappointed you each time, have faith in yourself. You deserve better surroundings and better opportunities. Eventually you will find them. Karma steps in you reward you for your patience and benevolence.

Life may be circular but its circumference keeps getting wider for us to grow.

I am sure you can relate to these circles of life. Have you tried to step out? I would call that a very valiant attempt. Getting off the merry go round and boarding it again is indeed intrepid. Please share your thoughts about it.

Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.

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Freedom At Last

Published on by balroop singh32 Comments

freedom

Walking uphill,
In search of my true self
Guided by the will to self-reflect
At last!
 
I follow the steady stream
Of consciousness, asking all the time
Is it the right time?
Do I need this?
 
Lost in tentative thoughts,
I fail to notice my mates
Lugging along,
Eager to offer succor
 
I tell solitude:
‘I have had enough of you
You can stay away
Let me move ahead.’
 
Determined to abandon distress
I ignore its presence
In the valley, on the side
Disregarding its alacrity to pull backwards
 
Tears refused to subside
They overpowered my spirit
I sat down in the company
Of my oldest confidants
 
Detachment and defiance at last
From the shackles of subjugation…
I soar freely with my new friends
To explore the wide world
 
Hope offered its camaraderie
Positivity promised to permeate around
Acceptance assured affinity
Confidence closed in compliant collusion!
 
© Balroop Singh
All rights reserved.

You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

How The Power Of Serenity Can Lead Us To The Path Of Spirituality

Published on by balroop singh44 Comments

serenity

Have you ever experienced the power of serenity?

Hard to envisage in this competitive, fast paced, digital world, in which staying connected is as natural as breathing!

With smart phones in each hand and the urge to get ahead in life, serenity is just a word, which most people park in their backyards. It sits quietly within the trees even when the rustling is calmed by the fall. It waits patiently and is ready to embrace you whenever you feel the need.

A discerning eye can see it in the dewdrops, in the wildflowers, in each petal that can lend color to our eyes.

Look at the rainbow…a quintessence of serenity.

Look at the calm waters of lakes… they breathe immeasurable tranquility.

Look at the snow-covered mountains in winter…the serenity and contentment they communicate is transcendent.

Look at the dawn, breaking slowly at the horizon.

They calm our mind in an unimaginable manner.

The mind is always racing, planning to execute all our wishes quickly. Serenity is seldom its goal but a secret wish in turbulent times, when the storm becomes unbearable.

Prudent are those who take care of keeping their mind calm, who don’t take mental health for granted, who know that our mind can easily get perturbed and shouts often, for serenity.

Enlightened are those who nurture the patience to listen calmly. The pleasure is not just theirs but they breathe a sense of contentment, they pass on an aura of wisdom to all those around them. When they speak, each person listens and values each word!

“The more tranquil a man becomes, the greater is his success, his influence, his power for good. Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom.” – James Allen

Serenity has to be desired, nurtured and practiced and once we acquire that state, all anxieties and pressures melt away.

There has to be an intention to bring in calmness. While being busy is very important, at the same time we have to take out some time for imbibing calmness, which comes very slowly.

It is so difficult to remain calm in a charged atmosphere, I know that is what you are thinking right now and I agree with you. We can learn to calm our mind but before that we have to practice:

Calmness of heart: Calmness is actually the quality of the heart. It is the heart, which communicates with the ephemeral sphere, and the body absorbs it. Words are controlled by the mind but only if the heart is trained to confine them within.

Calmness of body: Calmness can be imbibed through meditation. Human body is under constant stress, which can be reduced if we learn to meditate, which focuses on positive energy, calming down of nerves and reduces high blood pressure.

Calmness of words: The choice of words can soothe many emotions. All anger melts down when it meets thoughtful words, used for diffusing a tense or electrifying situation.

Calmness of mind: A solitary hour with oneself, self-confabulation and meditation can take us into the realms of serenity. The mind stops racing when we take a nature walk or just look at the clouds that disintegrate at the horizon.

calmness-quote

A serene person is often mistaken to be a weak personality but nobody can fathom the depth of his thoughts, which bring those tranquil moments.

It is only the calm mind that can look forward to ethereal blessings, which eventually lead us to the path of spirituality.

Are they connected? Yes, serenity can lead us to spiritualism!

When we start discarding negative thoughts, when we begin to understand the feelings and emotions of people around us, when we adapt to changes without any grunts, when we adopt a positive approach to life, when serenity and self-healing becomes our goal – we may be gearing towards spiritualism.

The key lies in training your thoughts and emotions…say to yourself – calm down, calm down…a few times. This training is not easy but achievable.

Do you have a calm mind? How do you achieve that blessed state?

Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

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Serenity makes us sentient!

Balroop Singh.

 

Why is listening more important?

Published on by balroop singh48 Comments

Listening

Listening is a basic skill, without which we cannot learn any language. Babies listen to human sounds and learn to say their first words. Yet we forget this when we have learnt to talk!

We interrupt, we disparage, we judge, we tune off, we argue, we shout when we don’t want to listen.

We can say a lot without actually uttering a word but listening is only possible if we pay attention.

Do you pay attention when you are listening? Just pause and think.

In today’s world, where multitasking is considered to be a superb skill, listening gets drowned in the maze of messaging, tweeting and checking updates on irresistible digital devices in our hands or the urge to catch up with our favorite shows.

A good communication can resolve all differences but both the sides have to listen. It is very easy to talk, talk and talk but when it comes to listening, often we presume what the other person has to say.

Just see how listening can do wonders:

  1. It facilitates effective communication:

When we are ready to listen we convey a calm message that we respect the other person, we are ready to dispel misunderstandings and arguments. As peter Drucker said, “the most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.” When we listen quietly and courteously, we may pick up those unsaid feelers. When we look into the eyes of the communicator, we may catch those vibes, which wont reach us if we are distracted.

  1. It improves relationships:

Listening ushers warmth into our bonds, it fosters care and trust. We know we can talk about any issue and we would be given the required attention. When we don’t listen to other person’s perspective, we tend to create our own images, which could be highly misleading. It is better to discuss your prejudices than harbor them and let them breed misinterpretations.

  1. It helps us understand people:Listening quote

There are many kinds of people and we can’t possibly know them without a bridge of communication between us. Those who pretend to be our friends at our workplace, those who may exploit us for their own professional strength and those who just create rifts by badmouthing. How do we know their true value? Only by listening to their side of the story and keeping our relationship networks open can we truly know their worth.

  1. It can calm emotions:

Good listening gives a natural boost to positive emotions but at the same time it rebuffs negative emotions like angst, anger, fear and stress. All clouds of doubt and discord disintegrate. We feel loved and relieved as our pent up thoughts get an outlet. A lot of burden gets offloaded and we can move ahead with new hopes.

  1. It leads us to profound lessons

Listening can make us better persons as it can motivate, inspire and encourage us to accomplish our goals. We can gather a lot of information, develop working relationships with those we may not like and work on social interactions, which can define our hidden potential. It can drive introverts out of their shell, promote acceptance as a way of life and understand that imperfections are normal.

Please remember! Listening doesn’t mean getting intimidated and bullied into whatever the other person says.

It means a healthy exchange of ideas and thoughts so that we can understand each other better.

It means erecting an edifice of empathetic approach and to be more positive.

It means learning analytical skills, which can foster healthy living.

It means we need to control our outbursts, be more considerate and forthcoming.

If listening has not been taught to you, it is never too late.

“There is as much wisdom in listening as there is in speaking–and that goes for all relationships, not just romantic ones.”- Daniel Dae Kim

Do you value listening? What has it taught you? I would love to hear your views.

Thank you for reading this. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Balroop Singh.