Could you walk an extra mile with me? They agree.
Could you carry this bag for me? They do.
Could you supervise my lunch today? They get the real message of putting an extra effort.
Could you help me and give a daily report of your colleagues? They feel honored.
Bosses exult at their loyalty and sincerity.
Friends mock at their “loving nature.”
Siblings bully them into believing that they are loved.
Spouses manipulate them to get things done.
The acquiescence and complacence of people pleasers baffles me.
Who are they?
People pleasers are gentle, kind and loving persons. They can never confront an unpleasant situation and try to diffuse it with their goodness. Their intentions may be noble but they boomerang. People start taking them for granted. They lose their identity and get tossed by the tides of time and life.
They don’t want to rock their boat but choose to sail in it; oblivious of the fact that it can capsize any moment with the emotional baggage they carry within themselves. True love eludes them.
Some of them are highly ambitious and focused. They know how to gatecrash to the right position just through pleasing tactics. I marvel at their pleasing skills!
Why do they please?
Do they please to get loved? Yes, they believe love can conquer all till they face the ugly truth of fake love.
Do they please to get a position? Yes, and many succeed even at the cost of getting enslaved.
Do they respect themselves? I have my doubts but their perspective could be different. I have seen them justify their actions.
Do they ever introspect? If they do, I wonder how do they justify crushing their spirit for the sake of others?
In professional relationships, people pleasing may be rewarding even at the cost of self-ignominy, stress and overwork but at a personal level, people pleasers do reach at the brink of breakdown.
Do you think they live for others? I don’t think so.
Some live in the make-believe world of self-admiration, thinking they are exceptional human beings, born to be altruistic. Others have some goals in mind, which they want to accomplish even if they have to kiss the shoestrings of their boss.
Often they fail to detect abusers and manipulators around them and slowly start accepting emotional abuse as a part of life.
Can they be trusted?
People pleasers are extremely selfish and can never be good friends. They are opportunists and would grab every chance that can be twisted for their own benefit. Relationships are secondary for them and their true self is unknown even to them. I have seen them changing their colors according to the situation. They know how to save their skin and win some brownie points too!
Have you met any people pleasers? I am waiting to hear your perspective.
Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections, as they are much appreciated.
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Balroop Singh.
Image: Sue Vincent
Emotional Shadows 