This question that I ask myself often may be having a thousand answers but none of them appeals to me. That doesn’t mean I have not disliked people. In fact my likes and dislikes have been quite strong and firm.
I have written about people and their demeanor earlier also. I have tried to study the behavior of people around me, without really making any judgment albeit they think the opposite.
I have also tried to understand what being judgmental is.
Isn’t it human tendency to observe, to think and to form an opinion? That is just what I have been trying to do.
If forming an opinion is being judgmental, then I am!
I know many people who must have disliked me. All those who exhibited it openly gained my appreciation. I consider my critics to be my well-wishers. I have learnt a lot from their dislike.
If you have never given a thought to getting disliked, then you are welcome to scrutinize the following reasons:
Candor:
We don’t share our view candidly because we know that candor is the root cause of getting disliked. So what if it makes us hypocritical!! Isn’t it an accepted behavior? I have always disliked shrouding…especially feelings and emotions. I discovered quite later in life that truth and transparency are expected but exploited and disliked. It is so self-harming that our honest and straightforward outlook can be easily manipulated to let us down.
Silence:
So is silence. Those who choose silence and consider it ‘to be golden’ offend others unknowingly. Silence is a mute weapon, which is much sharper than words. Lack of communication breeds dislike as it gives an impetus to imaginative thoughts. Bias or pre-conceived notions become the basis of forming opinions. It is therefore imperative to share our perspective on all those situations, which concern us and can harm relationships.
Arrogance:
It directly leads us to dislike because it is very difficult to have a pleasant interaction with arrogant persons who have the tendency of dwelling in self obsessed realms of exalted nature. Would you like being called inexperienced, ignorant and imprudent? Would you like to be intimidated and bullied into whatever they want? I am sure anybody who challenges our self-esteem gets disliked.
Body language:
Certain kinds of body language can be very offensive. People who don’t want to say anything directly convey their words through this language and get disliked. Eyes can convey dissent much louder than words. A smirk can speak volumes about what goes on in your heart. Just your posture of standing and looking can belittle others.
Disrespect:
Respect is the foundation of all relationships. You may get disliked despite your best efforts to nurture a friendship if there is lack of respect. Respect and like are two pals, which move hand in hand. When somebody constantly puts you down, when your positive actions are misinterpreted and ignored, it is a clear sign of dislike.
Pretensions:
A fake behavior is like a double-edged sword. It can work both ways, harming the pretender as well as the person who dislikes such charades. When we pretend to be kind and considerate, when we put up a mask of friendship to betray and when we lie to keep up the appearances, we eventually get disliked. Nobody around us is such a big fool not to see through those shams.
Bragging:
It may not harm anybody but too much of self-praise often puts us off. I had such a colleague who would brag about all her achievements loudly, forgetting that many of those were very evidently the result of team-work but she would go on and on, gloating in self-perpetuated glory, failing to notice the meaningful smiles on the faces of others.
Dislike in itself is the biggest monster, which strikes emotionally imbalanced individuals. Most of the times they don’t know how to handle their anger and angst and therefore their frustrations overpower them. Since it is so easy to shift the blame, their illusionary world of dislike widens.
“I don’t dislike my haters, they dislike me. I’m doing nothing wrong. I’m just being me.” – Jaime Lopez
It is better to convey dislike in clear words to convert it into a healthier emotion. It may hurt us for a moment but it also helps us in understanding and working on our imperfections.
Have you been disliked by others? Do you have any other reasons of dislike in mind? I would love to hear your views.
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Balroop Singh
Emotional Shadows 