Author: balroop singh
A former high school teacher and an educator, a passionate reader, a published poet and a writer, an ardent nature lover, I am also fond of good, soft music. Amazon link for my books: goo.gl/X1NEFf
What Is Love?
I have written about many emotions but the basic emotion, which we are born with, which we crave for in all its forms has escaped my attention or I have consciously avoided it.
Probably I know very less about it.
I have written a few lines about ‘Eternal Love ‘and ‘Unknown Love’ but it is easier to write poetry and leave much to the imagination and interpretation of the reader. Many times imagery conveys all we want to say.
When my dearest friend Zeenat Merchant Syal @ Positiveprovocations invited me to contribute my thoughts to a mega post on love, I realized I have never written about love – the most coveted emotion!
I had to go back in time to answer a host of questions that swarmed up around me.
Why has love been such a petrifying emotion for me?
I can relate so much to one of the protagonists of my stories…the little girl who yearned only in her dreams, alone.
She could never share her emotions and aspirations and hurts.
She only watched and absorbed. Is that I?
Love for her was just a passing thought, a mirage that could only be seen in the movies. It was not real. It was never around her. She could never touch or feel it.
A hug or an endearing word was not meant for her.
The society in which she lived didn’t give any importance to expressing it openly. Falling in love was equivalent to falling in a well. Romantic love was offensive. Sex was a repugnant word!
Love was caring for others but only those who were valuable to the society.
Love was sacrifice…giving all your time and effort for the welfare of others.
Love was thinking what she was expected to think.
Love was listening and complying with all the diktats of the family and the society.
Self-love was taboo. It was being selfish.
Till she realized love is much more than all this, which had been drilled into her mind. Till she decided to break free and get access to free thoughts.
Till she realized love is an invisible force that can transcend all the barriers.
Till she found true love… Till she came across what Leo Buscaglia says: “Love is life…and if you miss love, you miss life.”
When you are restricted to think and express yourself freely, you get accustomed to a certain behavior, which is hard to alter. So the exquisite emotion of love got lost in those oppressive man-made alleys of sanctimoniousness.
I am glad my favorite protagonist has helped me understand why I couldn’t fathom such a beautiful word.
Love is a natural instinct that grows if it is nurtured. It evolves itself but withers if it is not watered with affection, care, respect and kindness. Romantic love morphs into a loving and eternal relationship if we understand what is love; why passion is such a sweet word.
Love is a much wider term… encompassing friendship, family and bonding.
Recently a very old friend and neighbor called me, excited beyond words to explain how he found my number, why he still values my friendship and yearns to meet me to renew those memories! He didn’t even know my name, all he could remember was my nickname. I know that is certainly ‘love!’
“Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring.” –Oscar Wilde
Have you explored the positive power of love? Did it enrich your life? I am eagerly waiting for your answers.
Thank you for reading this. Your support is immensely appreciated.
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Balroop Singh.
There Are Various Definitions Of Happiness, Which One Appeals To You?
I have often been confused by the notion of happiness. I have tried to equate it with contentment and have found it to be its synonym.
I have also linked it with ‘our passion’ because when we try to follow what our heart says we experience that special feeling, which is probably ‘happiness’.
I have never tried those ecstatic moments, which make you fly to seventh heaven. I have only heard and read about them.
Comprehending a simple word – ‘happiness’ is quite complex.
One thing I am sure of is that when a long-standing desire gets fulfilled, it is certainly a moment of happiness but it may not lead us to eternal happiness, which lies in our heart, mind and thoughts.
Initial imprints:
I must be in high school when I read ‘The Enchanted Shirt’ by John Hay.
This shirt was recommended for a king who could not get well despite all the medicines, which were prescribed by the royal doctors. The king’s men traveled far and wide to find a ‘happy man’ so that they could borrow his shirt to make their king healthy and happy.
The man who seemed to be happy was requested to give his shirt. The happy man confessed that he didn’t have a shirt!
The depth of the message, which this poem carried didn’t register in my mind at that time but there was something, which percolated deep down, as this poem immediately comes to my mind whenever the word ‘happy’ is mentioned.
“The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.” – Carl Sandburg
Gauging happiness:
I have tried to scale the boundaries of ‘happiness’ many times from various directions and I have always found great solace in breaking it up into syllables:
H hope (to)
A accomplish
P pervasive
P peace (and)
I incorporate
N necessary
E endeavor (for)
S spontaneous
S serenity
Observations:
I have also tried to observe how happiness visits us uninvited:
A child can find joy in little moments of skipping in water or blowing bubbles.
The ecstatic moments of a lover are in the arms of his beloved.
A mother’s bliss lies in the delightful face and little accomplishments of her child.
A hungry person can find pleasure in simple food.
For a sick person, the charm of getting well and walking again is supreme.
The elderly seek good health and company to be happy.
But these are fleeting moments of joy. Happiness is eternal albeit it is made up of such little moments. They promote wellbeing. They nourish mental health. They keep the hope of brighter days alive.
The definition of happiness is as divergent as that of success.
This is what the experts and the great thinkers say: (an adapted version)
Happiness is perceptive. It is like a cloud that keeps vanishing.
It is determined by our own disposition.
Happiness is harmony with our thoughts…a spiritual journey.
It is breaking the chains of your mind and let it soar.
Happiness is a choice. You have to create your own ways to be happy.
It keeps changing with time and space.
Happiness must be cultivated; chasing it takes us nowhere.
It is a profound feeling of contentment and knowledge that all the blessings of life are around us, only if we can perceive them.
Happiness blossoms in the hearts of those who respect and value relationships.
It could be sitting in your home and you didn’t notice it.
I had written a poem ‘The Valley Of Happiness’ in one of my most intense and gloomy moments. You may like to read it.
Thank you for reading this. Your support is immensely appreciated. Please share your views about this much discussed and stimulating topic.
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Balroop Singh.
The Room…A Cherished Memory
That dark dusty room, always closed
With no chinks to peep inside
Children of the house often conspired
To enter, to explore… but how?
Everyday they made new plans
Waited patiently to steal the keys
What would be the right time?
To give shape to their adventure!
Would it ever be possible?
With grandma keeping a close eye,
Supervising all the time
All the happenings of the day.
The room was right in the middle
Difficult to sneak in
Even during long afternoons
Or late at night which was scary!
Little Lovely had a plan
To enter one Sunday
But who would steal the key
From that dreaded drawer!
No child had an access to that drawer
None of them had ever dared
To defy the orders of the house
To keep away from the keys!
Who would listen to those orders?
When the promises of exploring
Guided the dreams of each other
When outshining was the sole aim!
With key already in her pocket
Little Lovely had already accomplished
The first step and proved
She was the smartest of the bunch!
The day was not far
The day all would be busy
With the celebrations of Sonu’s birthday
That was the planned day!
Sonu was told to keep company
Since he was the apple of their eye
The family would hardly notice
The pranks of missing children.
Curiosity drove Sonu away
From the venue of preparations.
Grandma couldn’t contain her worry
She alerted everyone!
The dark room was already open
All the children busy
Engrossed in their long awaited adventure
They were quite fearless!
All the trunks already open
All the pictures bare,
Loud voices, long discussions
Could be heard far!
Unaware of being watched
The children made plans
They needed more days to sneak,
More hours to explore!
The family elders watched amused
None of them balked
The children were given free access
To open the room everyday!
© Balroop Singh.
You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.
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Why Most Men Develop Cold Feet Over Emotional Issues
Men are most enthusiastic to woo a woman, they try to please her in every possible way, show how cultured and chivalrous they are and are ready to cross all the bridges to win her trust.
Once they succeed and feel that they have the commitment and the comfort of a home, they withdraw, try to find pleasure in other activities and may even drift into the arms of another woman.
Emotions and relationships don’t move them or they pretend so!
They hide behind stereotype:
They don’t try to come out of the closet and love to dwell in the age-old traditional mold created for them, by the society. They have been told ‘to be a man.’ They take pride in that role assigned to them ages ago. Man, you have to move with the changing times! You have to open your heart. Emotions are easier than science or space. If women can learn both why can’t you?
They don’t share their fears:
It goes against male ego to admit that something scares them. They feel threatened by the strength and power of women, more so in the modern set up. The emotional quotient and resilience of their partner is intimidating and they try to diminish it by exhibiting their control. In some cases it goes beyond that and it comes out in the form of anger, their most loved emotion!
They evade family bonds:
Most of the bonding with the extended family is nurtured by women. Men like to sit and bask in the glory of family get together, without caring for the food to be served, the gifts to be given and the pleasing talk to be shared. They can easily learn all this but they don’t make an effort. Such an attitude affects the next generation too.
Emotional upheavals shatter them:
They lack the ability to process emotions in a positive manner. They thrive on negative emotions like anger, aggression and denial. It is not true that they don’t feel the loss or the rejection. They don’t want to accept and admit that they are upset. They want to handle their grief in their own manner, which isolates them. When you hide your emotions, it takes a longer time to emerge out of anguish.
They don’t want confrontation:
They avoid an argument because they know they won’t be able to carry it forward. The moment they are asked a personal question like ‘why are you so quiet’, ‘what is perturbing you?’ They draw into their shell, which makes them emotionally aloof. Men don’t like to give explanations; don’t like to discuss; they just know how to give orders. Even those who don’t give orders and are gentle by nature are less expressive.
They wear a mask:
They are emotionally challenged but don’t like criticism. Isn’t it strangely paradoxical? Even a random inadvertent comment can hurt them but they pretend to be okay. They learn to live with hypocrisy and are adept at wearing different masks for different occasions. They don’t want to accept that they need to learn emotional language. They are more comfortable with texting than looking into your eyes to say what they want.
They consider expression of emotions a ‘Drama’:
Emotionally expressive persons are dubbed as ‘drama queens’ and are often ignored. Men make no effort to understand why emotional outbursts become uncontrollable, why tears flow spontaneously and how much of truth is there in such emotions. I have seen boys more expressive till adolescence sets in and then they start learning the clichés and concealing true emotions.
They don’t want to show their true colors:
Emotional insecurity keeps them guarded and some of them can lie to keep their feelings under wraps. If you try to dig deeper, they may burst out saying ‘you are interrogating!’ They are scared of blurting out something they might regret later. Their primitive image of a protector and a provider still follows them. It is reinforced by mothers who take pride in raising domineering sons.
Disclaimer: The above observations are based on my own experiences and understanding. There could be exceptions as there always are.
If you know any such exceptional men or you are the one, I would love to hear your views.
If you have ever made an effort to learn more about emotions and how to share them, you are most welcome to discuss them here.
Thank you for reading this. Your support is immensely appreciated.
If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.
Balroop Singh.
Emotional Shadows 