Tag: moments

When Grief Transports You Back…

Published on by balroop singh48 Comments

friendsLast week I received shocking news, which transported me back into time…those pleasant days of sitting for hours in the company of friends, those carefree moments that seemed to suggest life is blissful. We basked in its glory, oblivious of the fact that we would go our own way, get busy with the nuances of life only to meet occasionally and that too if we made special efforts to synchronize our visits to our home city.

Time is ephemeral, but we keep drifting back into it whenever it exhibits its tyranny!

This tyrant snatched away those insouciant moments we still treasure. Ironically… it brings back those whiffs of friendly fragrance more at such times of bereavement.

Happier times pass by complacently, with the thoughts that all is well and we have all the time in the world to meet.

Could we ever imagine that a day will come when we would be far away from each other, yearning to be together in the grief of one of us?

Could we ever reflect that we would be placed thousands of miles away and the word ‘friendship’ would stand before us in a questioning mode?

Could we ever think that one of our most effervescent and vivacious friends would be the first one to face the biggest setback of life…losing her husband and that too at such a stage when life starts afresh?

I always thought that I have become impervious to setbacks, having the experience of facing them since childhood but each one brings new emotions and memories. This one jolted me out of my illusionary world of thinking ‘everyone has to go and so must I.’

I often say I am ready to go, unmindful of the sentiments of my dear ones. I preach selflessness but in the process forget certain emotions that are vital to heart despite detachment. Today these emotions are hitting me hard from a new angle. They remind me that detachment is a mere word…a delusion to keep us occupied to deal with the struggles and realities of this world.

friends

Real detachment is painful and the laceration never heals as it is eternal…it is like amputating one part of the body.

Recently I came across an interesting perspective about time – “Time does not heal, it just teaches us how to live with the pain.” This outlook appealed to me and as I look back, I nod to myself how true it is as time has blurred my agony and hurts and I have learnt to live with them.

I know my wishful thinking can never put us in the same boat of blissful friendship we shared but we can provide solace with our words. We cannot bridge the distances but we can be with each other in spirit.

As I grieve over the loss and loneliness of my dear friend, the words of a famous poet come to my mind: “If moments were birds, I could have caged them, nurtured them with care, fed them with pearls and kept them close to my heart…”

Moments do get entrapped in our hearts and we can revisit them through our “inward eye.”

“A friend is what the heart needs all the time.” Henry Van Dyke

‘The greatest gift of life is friendship’…Have you received it?

Thank you for reading this amalgamation of emotions. Please add your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

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Balroop Singh.

 

Are Memories Timeless Treasures Or Learning Experiences?

Published on by balroop singh22 Comments

Memories

Memories are those endless treasures, which we can keep exploring till eternity and bask in their glory like a slow swinging hammock!

Like Ellen Hopkins, let me ‘open that bottle of memories they’re pouring out like wine, crimson and bittersweet.’

We can completely get immersed the moment they start pouring out!

Heartwarming memories, some sweet, some bitter and vivid, long-lasting and precious…unforgettable fond memories, haunt us if we happen to be sensitive as they have a profound connection with our emotions.

Some memories stand before us with extended arms, ready to embrace us lovingly…the first crush, those hands ensconced into each other’s, those amorous glances…that walk in the rain, huddling together…the touch of your new born child, the most precious possession…myriad such moments are stored effortlessly in the mind’s eye.

Happy memories yearn for those times to return, resist and resent change.

Unhappy memories are tenacious, they get entrenched in our minds retaining their ghost like exterior… they can tear us apart with their piercing, menacing eyes.

Repressed memories get embedded in the subconscious mind despite our best efforts to shove them out.

Sometimes I have to close that inward eye to stop the reel of memories so that they bounce back into the subconscious mind.

Sometimes I hear those loud voices…let go…forget the past…detach, I dump all those memories and choose only joyous ones yet they keep returning whenever the connection emerges.

One of my colleagues had a magical eraser, which didn’t leave any mark on the sheet. Sometimes I wish such an eraser could be invented to expunge unwanted memories from our memory bank!

Have you ever thought why certain memories keep coming back?

Have you ever wondered why certain facts, songs, statements or situations can be recalled without any effort whereas important information or textual details have to be read again and again to recollect them?

Psychologists have called the former as implicit memory and the latter as explicit memory

It is this memory, which is called implicit that holds our moments…moments of delight, of exhilaration, of accomplishment, of pride and countless such emotional instants.

We hold them in high esteem, clutch them as if they were the only possessions worthmemories keeping and derive pleasure out of them during our hours of solitude. We keep interacting with them till we realize their material nature.

They come with a large baggage, which we refuse to give up!

“Forgetting isn’t enough. You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again and again and again. They circle you, like sharks.” – Sara Zarr

They also come with some profound lessons if we are ready to discern and digest:

  • Childhood memories are the strongest reminders of love and affection. Handle children with care.
  • Don’t invest all your emotions in one person. Memories of such a person can drain you.
  • Attachments are aching reminders of fond memories.
  • Dwelling in the past is futile as it retrieves painful memories.
  • All people we meet leave an impact on our life. Avoid negative people as much as you can.
  • Memorable people affect us deeply with their qualities. They give us good memories.
  • Earliest happy memories convey life-lessons of happiness and relaxation, which are picked up from parents and siblings.

Memories are like roses of various hues in their raw form, thorns are the natural attachments unless we scratch them away. I have embraced all the shades and tones and learnt from each one of them. I had no choice.

During the prime of our life we keep gathering them, unaware of the thistles, which start piercing us as we mature.

I have a very vivid childhood memory of a thorn, which pricked me, broke and got embedded in my finger. I came running to my mom, crying and wondering whether she could lessen my pain. She pulled the thorn out mercilessly, without caring to be soft.

I wish this memory too could have been pulled out as harmlessly as that thorn!

But memories are etched permanently on the canvas of our mind.

Do you have such memories? Have they been your learning experiences? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Hope Is Alive!

Published on by balroop singh18 Comments

Slide1

Some embers are still alive
Some moments are still scattered
Some shadows are still traceable
Some stars are still twinkling.

The flickering flame is beckoning
The breezy silence is whispering
The joy is still in the air
Our togetherness is as binding as ever.

Why are my eyes so moist?
Your love for me has grown with time.
Why are there distances of miles?
Where are those sweet smiles?

The treasure of those moments
Is sealed somewhere down
Only you can unlock it
The hope is still alive.

Copyright:
BALROOP SINGH

One of my earliest poems, it is now a part of my book Sublime Shadows Of Life. You can read more with #KindleUnlimited
Do you thrive on Hope? I would love to hear your views.
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Only One Way of Detachment…

Published on by balroop singh14 Comments

detachment

Those moments of attachment or these moments of detachment…which are real?

Do both belong to us?

I often wonder… why is attachment so natural…why is detachment so difficult?

As a child, I was always fascinated by pebbles and sea- shells. Gathering pebbles was such a joyful moment! We would always run after each other to collect them and then display them, like trophies. The one who could gather more was hounded, cajoled and asked to share!

Pebbles, which had no value for people around us, seemed so precious. Attachments start so early! They are so inexplicable, so spontaneous yet so illusionary!

When I look back, I wonder how those emotions develop; nobody introduces us to them…or was it just a child like charm?

Moments of Attachment:

 Those were the days of innocent pleasure but they introduced us to attachment. Many more images of such emotions must have flashed across your mind too.

“I feel the emotion that life conjures up and the songs I write get me closer to my feelings and realizing who I am. It’s a natural process.”-Taylor Swift

 I am sure you too have such moments of life, which you want to revisit, which seem to have lost on the sand of time, which could revive those precious memories.

Those moments spent in the loving company of our friends, those unforgettable memories… of clicking pictures, those moments of completing a project or a book, of meeting your soul mate, of hugging your child…of his glorious achievements…

Those endless moments of pride!

All those moments which just flew away, before you could actually feel their ecstasy.

As we grow older, the association with those emotions, which were hardly ever felt at that time, becomes more prominent, more precious. There comes a moment when we just want to soak in them.

Emotions are so obdurate. They overwhelm, they tie you down and they don’t let go. How to keep them within limits? I too encounter this question, often.

One answer, which instantaneously looks me in the eye, is: Detach!

“The greatest asset to the human experience is the ability to navigate one’s emotions. By practicing the skill of detachment, one can successfully step back from the potentially destructive and tune into the purely positive”—Gary Hopkins

 Struggle for Detachment:

Is detachment so simple? While it is easy to detach from money, power and people, emotional attachments control us. They cloud our judgment, they refuse to let go, they are like a lump in the throat, which can only be felt.Slide1

Various ways to detach:

  • Gather those moments in the mind’s eye
  • Spend some time in reflecting
  • Tell yourself that they are your past
  • Convince yourself to learn to live without them
  • Reduce expectations
  • Stop undue care and attention
  • Change your focus
  • Keep yourself busy
  • Share your concerns, with friends.

Have you noted that they all revolve around YOU!

I have tried all these ways. Yet detachment is so distressing, so paralyzing, its thought just numbs the mind.

One time tested way of detachment is to gather all the pictures of those moments and persons; whose memories and thoughts refuse to quit your mind and make a collage.

Paste that collage at such a place from where you can see it everyday. Let the memories crowd your mind all the time.

Whenever you are free, sit near that collage; sip a cup of tea or coffee in its company. A day will come when it will start talking to you.

I have always wondered what if pictures could talk! It may seem incredible but they do talk if you keep looking at them, day after day!

Strangely, you realize that you are no longer a part of those pictures; you feel cut off, floating away in time.

Meditation is another very effective way of calming your mind and emotions. Try to meditate in the company of that collage. If you keep looking at it while meditating, you will realize that it will cease to exist.

Detachment descends slowly but surely. When it actually hits, you feel lighter. A strange light guides you out of all those gloomy thoughts and you are hit by a pleasant blizzard!

Moments of Re-attachment!

These moments of eternal bliss start with the entry of the first grand child and all that talk of detachment vanishes into the thin air…you feel in the seventh heaven as her smiles demand all your attention, her sweet shrieks fill the air around you with strange joy and her little feet struggle to take the first step! Suddenly you feel full of life again…you feel attached!

Aren’t the questions of life so enigmatic?

Do you feel the need for detachment? Is detachment challenging for you? Are there any moments, which were as precious as those pebbles or sea-shells? You can share your valuable thoughts here.

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Balroop Singh