Insensitive people are all around us in the form of friends, family members, bosses and masked well-wishers. They spread their negative energy around us with their desires, diktats and decrees.
I have already written why people are insensitive, which is easier to understand than dealing with their behavior.
Often we get weary of the environment such people create and try to shun them yet we have to face them if they happen to be around us in the form of our family members. If they can’t be avoided then we must figure out the ways to deal with them.
My immediate boss was quite insensitive and judgmental. Most of my colleagues would try to please her by nodding their heads to whatever she said or expected. I could never be herded like cattle and so was always the target of her wrath.
I have had an early introduction to insensitivity, which endowed me with some capability to face such people.
Here are some ways to deal with them…
Understand them:
It is very easy to condemn others and arrive at our own conclusions about the way people behave. We never give a thought to why they do so. We feel it is not our problem!
How people treat you is all about them…and their personality, which reveals their real self in a subtle manner. You have to be intuitive enough to pick up those vibrations.
People react to your personality, potential and work according to their own perception, capability and emotional intelligence.
When people are rude, negative emotions dominate their behavior.
- They could be anguished by their own frustrations
- They could be struggling with their own problems
- Somebody could have instigated them
When they are disrespectful
- They could be biased
- They could have been raised like that
- They consider themselves self-righteous
- They could be doing it out of spite
When they are indifferent
- They can’t think beyond their own selves
- They consider emotions to be pointless
- They could be weak-minded
When they are disloyal
- They are guided by their own insecurities
- They could be self-centered
- Financial instability cripples their thoughts
If we try to understand their circumstances, we may develop empathy for such people.
Easier said than done? I agree! But if your spouse happens to be insensitive to your love and concern, if he/she doesn’t acknowledge what all you do to make the home a happy place, how much effort goes in bearing insensitivity, you can’t just walk out of his/her life.
You have to devise ways to deal with insensitivity.
Convey your hurts, talk to them:
I would not like to say that it is easy. Only a patient and understanding person can do so as a lot of energy and emotions are involved in talking to such a person who can’t see logic. Each time you try to explain your view, they tune off as they live in their own world.
They have never been taught to respect the opinion of others. They fail to see beyond their own hurts, which appear to be mammoth. It can be emotionally draining but if you want to keep them in your lives, keep the channel of communication open.
They would try to duck your questions.
They would prefer to remain silent.
They could even lie to avoid any discussion.
Why? Because they don’t want to expose their weaknesses. Actually such people are very weak at heart. Kindness doesn’t reach them…probably they have never seen it and feel confused.
I wouldn’t say you should give up your own kindness. This is a testing time but how far can you push your limits and let the other person cross your boundaries is what matters.
A reminder – Never accept emotional abuse. Self-love and self-esteem should never be trespassed while dealing with such persons.
Love and kindness doesn’t flow naturally, it has to be nurtured. If the other person doesn’t respond well, if strife is all that is around you, keep your thoughts positive. Positivity can be miraculous but you are the best judge to decide whether it is the time to step away.
Learn to take your own decisions. Too much dependence and too much goodness can be frustrating. Learn to strike a balance between love and servitude.
Sometimes give them back:
Use strong words to convey what you have been saying softly. Remind them how much you have done to boost their respect. Sometimes they understand the language of reprimand better than modesty.
If they withdraw into their shell, challenge them out. Tell them to convey their grievances openly. This step may reveal the reasons of their insensitivity.
I am sure you would emerge emotionally stronger, resilient and wise. The best lessons are learnt in the furnace of living through challenging situations.
Do you know any such person who is insensitive? Have you ever experienced the stress of dealing with such people? I would love to hear your views.
Thank you for reading this. Please share your valuable reflections.
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Balroop Singh.
Emotional Shadows 