Those moments of attachment or these moments of detachment…which are real?
Do both belong to us?
I often wonder… why is attachment so natural…why is detachment so difficult?
As a child, I was always fascinated by pebbles and sea- shells. Gathering pebbles was such a joyful moment! We would always run after each other to collect them and then display them, like trophies. The one who could gather more was hounded, cajoled and asked to share!
Pebbles, which had no value for people around us, seemed so precious. Attachments start so early! They are so inexplicable, so spontaneous yet so illusionary!
When I look back, I wonder how those emotions develop; nobody introduces us to them…or was it just a child like charm?
Moments of Attachment:
Those were the days of innocent pleasure but they introduced us to attachment. Many more images of such emotions must have flashed across your mind too.
“I feel the emotion that life conjures up and the songs I write get me closer to my feelings and realizing who I am. It’s a natural process.”-Taylor Swift
I am sure you too have such moments of life, which you want to revisit, which seem to have lost on the sand of time, which could revive those precious memories.
Those moments spent in the loving company of our friends, those unforgettable memories… of clicking pictures, those moments of completing a project or a book, of meeting your soul mate, of hugging your child…of his glorious achievements…
Those endless moments of pride!
All those moments which just flew away, before you could actually feel their ecstasy.
As we grow older, the association with those emotions, which were hardly ever felt at that time, becomes more prominent, more precious. There comes a moment when we just want to soak in them.
Emotions are so obdurate. They overwhelm, they tie you down and they don’t let go. How to keep them within limits? I too encounter this question, often.
One answer, which instantaneously looks me in the eye, is: Detach!
“The greatest asset to the human experience is the ability to navigate one’s emotions. By practicing the skill of detachment, one can successfully step back from the potentially destructive and tune into the purely positive”—Gary Hopkins
Struggle for Detachment:
Is detachment so simple? While it is easy to detach from money, power and people, emotional attachments control us. They cloud our judgment, they refuse to let go, they are like a lump in the throat, which can only be felt.
Various ways to detach:
- Gather those moments in the mind’s eye
- Spend some time in reflecting
- Tell yourself that they are your past
- Convince yourself to learn to live without them
- Reduce expectations
- Stop undue care and attention
- Change your focus
- Keep yourself busy
- Share your concerns, with friends.
Have you noted that they all revolve around YOU!
I have tried all these ways. Yet detachment is so distressing, so paralyzing, its thought just numbs the mind.
One time tested way of detachment is to gather all the pictures of those moments and persons; whose memories and thoughts refuse to quit your mind and make a collage.
Paste that collage at such a place from where you can see it everyday. Let the memories crowd your mind all the time.
Whenever you are free, sit near that collage; sip a cup of tea or coffee in its company. A day will come when it will start talking to you.
I have always wondered what if pictures could talk! It may seem incredible but they do talk if you keep looking at them, day after day!
Strangely, you realize that you are no longer a part of those pictures; you feel cut off, floating away in time.
Meditation is another very effective way of calming your mind and emotions. Try to meditate in the company of that collage. If you keep looking at it while meditating, you will realize that it will cease to exist.
Detachment descends slowly but surely. When it actually hits, you feel lighter. A strange light guides you out of all those gloomy thoughts and you are hit by a pleasant blizzard!
Moments of Re-attachment!
These moments of eternal bliss start with the entry of the first grand child and all that talk of detachment vanishes into the thin air…you feel in the seventh heaven as her smiles demand all your attention, her sweet shrieks fill the air around you with strange joy and her little feet struggle to take the first step! Suddenly you feel full of life again…you feel attached!
Aren’t the questions of life so enigmatic?
Do you feel the need for detachment? Is detachment challenging for you? Are there any moments, which were as precious as those pebbles or sea-shells? You can share your valuable thoughts here.
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Balroop Singh
Emotional Shadows 