Tag: Attachments

Do You Believe In Arranged Marriages?

Published on by balroop singh23 Comments

Whosoever invented arranged marriages didn’t have love or sex in mind, as both appear to be more attractive outside a marriage.

An arranged marriage is much more than that…it is a life time commitment through thick and thin, it is like wading into deep waters, knowing well that we may drown if we lose the focus, it is accepting the obligations of not only taking care of the progenies but also the parents of each other and their relatives.

The cultural encumbrances of such a marriage may frustrate you at times but nobody ever thinks of walking out over trivial issues.

All this and much more is revealed in Vishnu’s book.

This post has been inspired from my dearest friend Vishnu’s latest book – ‘Arranged Marriage.’619aWeEo9jL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_

Marriage may be an ‘over-rated institution’ but all enter into it to taste the bittersweet fruit that it offers.

Why not plan it – asks Vishnu!

Why not give the responsibility of arranging it into the hands of experienced gurus, grandmothers and aunts, who only think of your welfare and happiness.

Vishnu delves deep into the seriousness of marriage as a sacred bond, which can last forever if we tread carefully.

He is immensely focused in this book and presents a superb case for arranged marriages, without actually forcing them down your throat.

He discusses the pros and cons of such a marriage, which is more a union of two families than two persons.

If you wonder how others can prove to be more successful in choosing the right partner for you, then this book is surely for you!

If you have dismissed arranged marriages as obsolete, retrogressive and stifling, then you must read a fresh modern perspective it presents.

You must read it even if you have migrated oversees but would like to pass on your culture and your traditions to your next generation.

This book can be very interesting and informative for those who don’t have any idea about Indian weddings, which are planned most meticulously.

Though I know an arranged marriage very well, having gone through this roller coaster ride most successfully, I still enjoyed reading this book as it incorporates subtle humor to bring out certain solemn details. Despite that, the author does not make fun of any of the age-old traditions, which dissuade many a young couple to go in for an arranged marriage.

This book also took me down the memory lane…

I am reminded of a story, which was a part of high school supplementary reader, and after reading it each year, we had to discuss the basis of marriage.

The youngsters, at the brink of discovering what is love, enjoyed this discussion the most and would come out with the most incredible arguments. Most of them would justify marrying for love and looks. They wanted a free choice, didn’t want to involve a third person and live for love!

Culture and tradition was thrown to the winds at that stage of life and I would always conclude… ‘it is good law doesn’t permit teenage marriage.’

Once the youngsters grow up into mature individuals, they laugh away their adolescent dreams and beliefs and marry, quite willingly according to their parents’ wishes.

Marriage quote

There is no magic wand for a successful marriage. It all depends on your own commitment, forbearance and patience.

Arranged marriage ensures the cultivation of all these virtues to come up to the expectations of family, society and cultural norms.

Fawn Weaver must be having an arranged marriage in mind when he said, “Marriage is like watching the color of leaves in the fall; ever changing and more stunningly beautiful with each passing day.” There cannot be a better analogy than this for an arranged marriage, which matures with time, goes through various stages, sheds its worn out leaves and thrives on hope that fall brings.

I hope you have enjoyed the analysis of this book. There could be another perspective. I would be eager to hear that.

You can grab a free copy at Amazon.com

To pick up Vishnu’s book, Arranged Marriage: Run to the Altar or Run for Your Life, click here. It’s available free on July 20th and July 21st, 2015.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

 

My Mother

Published on by balroop singh24 Comments

Mother's Day

She watched me grow with glowing face
Who walked with me, at my pace
Her tranquil touch taught tenderness
Whose sweet smile brought togetherness!

She always ran to cushion my fall
Who responded at my every call
She smooched away all my fears
Who whispered endearing words into my ears!

She shed tears of joy at my little feats
Whose heart with my achievement beats
She added veracity and color to my dreams
Whose lilac love in my eyes gleams!

She sat by my side silently at night
Who apprised me with my future bright
She could even understand my defiance
Whose pride glimmered in my triumph!

She gave me wings and watched in delight
Who never thought of her own flight
She loves me beyond measure, I know
She sacrificed for me all her glow

She lives in the smile of every flower
Whose sweet shade pervades this bower
I return to it, to feel her presence
To live her laughter, in the real sense

Her sweet smile still beckons me
Nostalgia often grips me to see…
A mother’s love is the true treasure
Only now do I understand in full measure.
© Balroop Singh.

Inspired from real life, this is one of my recent poems. You can click on Sublime Shadows of Life by Balroop Singh to read more such poems.

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Are Memories Timeless Treasures Or Learning Experiences?

Published on by balroop singh22 Comments

Memories

Memories are those endless treasures, which we can keep exploring till eternity and bask in their glory like a slow swinging hammock!

Like Ellen Hopkins, let me ‘open that bottle of memories they’re pouring out like wine, crimson and bittersweet.’

We can completely get immersed the moment they start pouring out!

Heartwarming memories, some sweet, some bitter and vivid, long-lasting and precious…unforgettable fond memories, haunt us if we happen to be sensitive as they have a profound connection with our emotions.

Some memories stand before us with extended arms, ready to embrace us lovingly…the first crush, those hands ensconced into each other’s, those amorous glances…that walk in the rain, huddling together…the touch of your new born child, the most precious possession…myriad such moments are stored effortlessly in the mind’s eye.

Happy memories yearn for those times to return, resist and resent change.

Unhappy memories are tenacious, they get entrenched in our minds retaining their ghost like exterior… they can tear us apart with their piercing, menacing eyes.

Repressed memories get embedded in the subconscious mind despite our best efforts to shove them out.

Sometimes I have to close that inward eye to stop the reel of memories so that they bounce back into the subconscious mind.

Sometimes I hear those loud voices…let go…forget the past…detach, I dump all those memories and choose only joyous ones yet they keep returning whenever the connection emerges.

One of my colleagues had a magical eraser, which didn’t leave any mark on the sheet. Sometimes I wish such an eraser could be invented to expunge unwanted memories from our memory bank!

Have you ever thought why certain memories keep coming back?

Have you ever wondered why certain facts, songs, statements or situations can be recalled without any effort whereas important information or textual details have to be read again and again to recollect them?

Psychologists have called the former as implicit memory and the latter as explicit memory

It is this memory, which is called implicit that holds our moments…moments of delight, of exhilaration, of accomplishment, of pride and countless such emotional instants.

We hold them in high esteem, clutch them as if they were the only possessions worthmemories keeping and derive pleasure out of them during our hours of solitude. We keep interacting with them till we realize their material nature.

They come with a large baggage, which we refuse to give up!

“Forgetting isn’t enough. You can paddle away from the memories and think they are gone. But they will keep floating back, again and again and again. They circle you, like sharks.” – Sara Zarr

They also come with some profound lessons if we are ready to discern and digest:

  • Childhood memories are the strongest reminders of love and affection. Handle children with care.
  • Don’t invest all your emotions in one person. Memories of such a person can drain you.
  • Attachments are aching reminders of fond memories.
  • Dwelling in the past is futile as it retrieves painful memories.
  • All people we meet leave an impact on our life. Avoid negative people as much as you can.
  • Memorable people affect us deeply with their qualities. They give us good memories.
  • Earliest happy memories convey life-lessons of happiness and relaxation, which are picked up from parents and siblings.

Memories are like roses of various hues in their raw form, thorns are the natural attachments unless we scratch them away. I have embraced all the shades and tones and learnt from each one of them. I had no choice.

During the prime of our life we keep gathering them, unaware of the thistles, which start piercing us as we mature.

I have a very vivid childhood memory of a thorn, which pricked me, broke and got embedded in my finger. I came running to my mom, crying and wondering whether she could lessen my pain. She pulled the thorn out mercilessly, without caring to be soft.

I wish this memory too could have been pulled out as harmlessly as that thorn!

But memories are etched permanently on the canvas of our mind.

Do you have such memories? Have they been your learning experiences? I would love to hear your views.

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Balroop Singh.

Walls Do Respond To Emotional Attachments – Home Is Where The Heart Is!

Published on by balroop singh23 Comments

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It is quite natural to get attached to homes if we have invested our hearts into them. Even the walls of such homes become receptive.

Recently I happened to read an article, which stirred my emotions intensely and took me down the memory lane.

My dear friend Lisa Thomson says, “A house has no feelings or attachments. It doesn’t love us back. Walls really don’t talk, and that’s probably a good thing.”

We convert a house into a home when we get emotionally attached to it.

HOME THAT NURTURED ME:

The home in which I grew up is still very much a part of my ardent memories as this was the place that nurtured me from the age that was most impressionable.

The excitement of an eight-year-old child is still very fresh in my mind. I can smell the fragrance of new paint and wood even now. Whenever I go down the memory lane, I can experience the friendship of all the nooks and crannies that I explored the very first day I stepped into this house our father got designed for us.

This house cherished my dreams, cushioned my lonely moments, provided solace to my disappointments, gave shape to my adventures and inspired me to aspire high.

Every wall was a supporting shelter, how much I could share my thoughts with them, silently!

The walls of my room empathized with me when I didn’t sleep well due to examination fever. They rejoiced with me when I turned up the volume of my radio, to celebrate my little moments of joy. They resounded with my giggles in the afternoons.

As I grew up, every brick seemed so precious, every tree of the little garden I loved seemed to cherish my thoughts and provide solace to my distressing hours.

Then came the time to leave my treasured surroundings, my home.

I can still feel the tears of poignant parting on my cheeks.

I hate this age-old tradition of some countries – to leave your maternal home after marriage. The one who created this tradition must be a man for according to this orthodox convention, he doesn’t leave his home; he has the choice to continue living in it or sell it.

I thought I would keep coming back to my home whenever I wanted and I did during the initial years of setting up my new home.

It remains the epicenter of my dreams even now. All family get-togethers are hosted in this home even now… but in dreams.

I can no longer visit it in real life because it was sold…and that is another story!

love for home

HOME THAT DEFINED ME:

Despite all those attachments I had with that home, which remains the backdrop of all my dreams, I was pleased to find a new one that anchored me and promised myself to make it more loving than the one that had raised me.

A home cannot be built in a day…it encompasses in itself the dreams and the aspirations we hold close to our heart, the hopes that we gather with each passing day, the goals that we achieve together.

A home lounges on the care and affection we shower on each other, the time we offer to understand the needs and desires of a family, to live through the difficult times together and to support each other despite minor differences.

This home I acquired became my treasure house, a nest, which was filled with the babble of my little children and the love of my hubby. It accumulated and absorbed all the memories, all the celebrations and the moments of intense joy, of raising my kids and exult at their little achievements.

I have no doubt that even the walls around me shared my elation.

Time just whizzed by and before I could realize its pace, my kids grew up into fine individuals, ready to soar!

Now I could grasp the truth of this statement and what my friend Lisa has articulated: “Home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see is what is not there any more.” – Robin Hobb

THE VOID:

Though my work kept me very busy and the walls of my home as welcoming as ever but time stood still.

A part of me seemed to have walked away with my grown up children.

Now I just clung to my home and the loving memories that were attached to them. I tried to make it warmer with more pictures of my family.

I have been trying to understand the ironies of this life, which provides natural attachments.

I have been trying to detach from all those people and homes, which hold us to ransom, extracting all our emotions.

I have moved once again from my home, into which I had put my heart and soul to be near my children.

Now I have double memories and none of my dearest homes – one got sold and the second lies locked with all those treasures I had amassed!

Do you have any such memories and attachments? Do they haunt you?

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Balroop Singh.

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