I am sure you can relate to this. We all have bruised egos, bleeding hearts and moments of discontent. Emotional upheavals are a part of our lives.
We have a lot of expectations from our near and dear ones, especially our parents, children, siblings and friends.
We love them and expect the same kind of love in return. We do the best for them and think that they would understand us. Many times they misinterpret our love as interference.
Our definition of love could be different from theirs. Their lack of interaction with us may disappoint us, we may wonder where did we err, which has made them selfish and self-centered and we may even feel guilty for having failed to have that kind of warmth we anticipate.
Too much love boomerangs. It loses its sheen. Our emotions get hurt.
At such moments, try to put yourself in their shoes. Just think that their perspective could be unlike ours.
I know it takes a lot of time to rise from the dumps of emotional distress…
The babies we nurtured are grown up adults now, emotionally and financially independent. They like to take their own decisions.
The parents who doted on them seem to be superfluous. You could be one such parent.
The siblings who shared all their secrets with us have their own soul mates and children, who are dearer to them than us.
We may feel isolated.
The friends we had have moved on with their life.
When situations change, attitudes also change. Emotional balance appears to be the most significant aspect of such a scenario.
How to handle emotional hurts?
Learn from hurts: We have to accept change, which is an inevitable law of life. All relationships evolve with the passage of time. Prepare yourself for change in the outlook of people around you. Please understand that their own life and pursuits are more important for them. They don’t mean to hurt you; they just have a different perception, which you may not appreciate.
Learn to trust them: Your contribution to the growth and development of persons in your life could have been gigantic but now is the time to sit back and take pride in their success and happiness. You can trust them to take responsible decisions. If they seem to go astray, you can only help them by reminding them but they will learn only when they stumble.
Give up control: It may seem very difficult to give up the role of mentoring your children yet you cannot control them all your life. The sooner you realize this, the better it is for your mental health. Don’t give them any advice if it is not asked.
Let them be what they choose: The best gift you can give to your children and siblings is – let them be what they want. It may be against your own ideals and expectations but you cant snatch their happiness by imposing your view on them.
Support them: Despite the differences and bitterness, which creep into relationships slowly, don’t alienate yourself. Keep in touch and support their decisions. Give your opinion only when asked to. Remember you are no longer the most important person in their lives.
Respect yourself: If you feel alienated at some stage of life, step back and introspect. Let all the thoughts gather and sift the ones, which can help in getting over the hurt. Brooding or letting the past linger around you can only accentuate the ache. Let go the past, give it some time to wilt and wither. You will emerge stronger.
Cultivate emotional balance: Don’t get carried away by the attitudes, which could hurt your emotions, don’t try to be judgmental even if the indifference of a dear friend or a sibling is irksome. Learn to give them a benefit of doubt as your thoughts could be far fetched.
Find new activities: Keep yourself busy, join a club, a recreation center or revive one of those hobbies you couldn’t pursue. Spread your arms and feel free. If you are an introvert, take refuge in your old journal and share your feelings with it.
Nobody listens to our emotions as ardently as our journal.
“The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt.” – Max Lerner
How do you deal with emotional hurts? I am waiting for your answers.
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Balroop Singh.
Emotional Shadows 