balroop singh

Walls Do Respond To Emotional Attachments – Home Is Where The Heart Is!

Published on November 25, 2014April 30, 2015 by balroop singh23 Comments

It is quite natural to get attached to homes if we have invested our hearts into them. Even the walls of such homes become receptive.

Recently I happened to read an article, which stirred my emotions intensely and took me down the memory lane.

My dear friend Lisa Thomson says, “A house has no feelings or attachments. It doesn’t love us back. Walls really don’t talk, and that’s probably a good thing.”

We convert a house into a home when we get emotionally attached to it.

HOME THAT NURTURED ME:

The home in which I grew up is still very much a part of my ardent memories as this was the place that nurtured me from the age that was most impressionable.

The excitement of an eight-year-old child is still very fresh in my mind. I can smell the fragrance of new paint and wood even now. Whenever I go down the memory lane, I can experience the friendship of all the nooks and crannies that I explored the very first day I stepped into this house our father got designed for us.

This house cherished my dreams, cushioned my lonely moments, provided solace to my disappointments, gave shape to my adventures and inspired me to aspire high.

Every wall was a supporting shelter, how much I could share my thoughts with them, silently!

The walls of my room empathized with me when I didn’t sleep well due to examination fever. They rejoiced with me when I turned up the volume of my radio, to celebrate my little moments of joy. They resounded with my giggles in the afternoons.

As I grew up, every brick seemed so precious, every tree of the little garden I loved seemed to cherish my thoughts and provide solace to my distressing hours.

Then came the time to leave my treasured surroundings, my home.

I can still feel the tears of poignant parting on my cheeks.

I hate this age-old tradition of some countries – to leave your maternal home after marriage. The one who created this tradition must be a man for according to this orthodox convention, he doesn’t leave his home; he has the choice to continue living in it or sell it.

I thought I would keep coming back to my home whenever I wanted and I did during the initial years of setting up my new home.

It remains the epicenter of my dreams even now. All family get-togethers are hosted in this home even now… but in dreams.

I can no longer visit it in real life because it was sold…and that is another story!

HOME THAT DEFINED ME:

Despite all those attachments I had with that home, which remains the backdrop of all my dreams, I was pleased to find a new one that anchored me and promised myself to make it more loving than the one that had raised me.

A home cannot be built in a day…it encompasses in itself the dreams and the aspirations we hold close to our heart, the hopes that we gather with each passing day, the goals that we achieve together.

A home lounges on the care and affection we shower on each other, the time we offer to understand the needs and desires of a family, to live through the difficult times together and to support each other despite minor differences.

This home I acquired became my treasure house, a nest, which was filled with the babble of my little children and the love of my hubby. It accumulated and absorbed all the memories, all the celebrations and the moments of intense joy, of raising my kids and exult at their little achievements.

I have no doubt that even the walls around me shared my elation.

Time just whizzed by and before I could realize its pace, my kids grew up into fine individuals, ready to soar!

Now I could grasp the truth of this statement and what my friend Lisa has articulated: “Home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see is what is not there any more.” – Robin Hobb

THE VOID:

Though my work kept me very busy and the walls of my home as welcoming as ever but time stood still.

A part of me seemed to have walked away with my grown up children.

Now I just clung to my home and the loving memories that were attached to them. I tried to make it warmer with more pictures of my family.

I have been trying to understand the ironies of this life, which provides natural attachments.

I have been trying to detach from all those people and homes, which hold us to ransom, extracting all our emotions.

I have moved once again from my home, into which I had put my heart and soul to be near my children.

Now I have double memories and none of my dearest homes – one got sold and the second lies locked with all those treasures I had amassed!

Do you have any such memories and attachments? Do they haunt you?

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Balroop Singh.

Image credit: http://society6.com

How Negative Emotions Can Be Beneficial For Our Personality?

Published on November 18, 2014January 21, 2018 by balroop singh30 Comments

Negative emotions are more powerful and dominant. They invade uninvited; they affect our thoughts and behavior instantaneously and refuse to be tamed easily.

Since childhood we are trained to control these emotions but however hard we may try to bury them, they keep coming back, raising their ugly head again and again to remind us that we have to confront them.

We are encouraged to dismiss them, shun them as their implicit impact is considered to be negative – a streak that discolors our personality.

I don’t support this outlook.

My conviction is that negative emotions play a meaningful role in molding our personality:

They unlatch the doors of understanding and learning
They enhance our confidence
They give us a wide exposure
They impel us towards introspection
They help us in developing resilience
They assist us in building better relationships

“Negative emotions like loneliness, envy and guilt have an important role to play in a happy life; they’re big, flashing signs that something needs to change.” – Gretchen Rubin

Lets analyze them.

Anger:

It may be a natural emotion but it is detested by all. Angry outbursts often make us unpopular but it is only after we have experienced this emotion that we comprehend the need of calm behavior.

Anger has been my companion since childhood and whenever it got activated, I could feel the blood gushing through my veins as if they would burst, my blood pressure rising but in the whirlwind of anger, I could also experience its consequences, the unidentified thoughts rushing to issue a warning – enough!

When we watch an angry person, reacting in an uncivilized manner, don’t we get the alert? Don’t we promise ourselves to respect tranquility?

Anger may be a negative emotion but it leads us to positive paths of acceptance, of reflection and tolerance. When the anger subsides, we try to find some answers – what makes us angry? How can we check the flow of this negativity?

Anger slowly guides us towards serenity when we realize that the latter has incredible power to tame anger.

Hatred:

Nobody tells us to hate yet this innate emotion surfaces quite early when we are growing and forming our opinions about people.

It is through hatred that we learn the meaning of love. It is through this emotion that we learn about the prejudices against people and how important it is to overcome them.

The stark distinctions unravel before our own eyes when we meet different kinds of people.

“We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves.” – Mitch Albom

Whether hatred is directed towards a person or a group, an attitude or somebody’s behavior, deep rooted or temporary, this emotion disseminates a feeling of righteousness in the minds of people. It upholds the values of justice, honor and equality. One person’s hatred becomes another person’s lesson.

Fear:

The fear of loneliness keeps us connected with people, the fear of getting disliked teaches us at a very early age that we must be pleasant, kind and cooperative to our friends.

The fear of competition, the fear of failure, the fear of others’ success acquaints us with the most coveted values of life. These fears keep us motivated to stay focused, to struggle harder and learn from our disappointments.

The fear of losing our emotional anchors, the fear of the unknown, of being inadequate may frighten us but they also give us the courage to face the cruel realities of life.

The fear of uncertain future keeps us striving for something better. It adds greater value to our life.

It is the fear of dark that infuses in us the determination to find light, to hope for brighter days,

You must have experienced this dilemma of conquering fear, which makes us stronger and more resilient.

So why get scared of this negative emotion, which steers us towards positivity?

Sadness:

It is during the gloomy moments of life that we remember how blissful happiness is. Sadness shows us the cheerfulness in its right perspective.

We can value happiness only after we have encountered those depressing days we loathe.

Grief familiarizes us with those little joys we failed to appreciate when they lingered around us, unnoticed.

The blessings of life assume a special connotation after we emerge victorious from our suffering. It helps us develop patience, forbearance and calmness. It gives us the gift of introspection.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” – Hellen Keller

Anxiety, nervousness, jealousy, arrogance have one thing in common. They are natural teachers. If you follow them, befriend them; they may play with your emotions for a while but the prudence that accompanies them often seeps into your personality unawares.

Negative emotions are very subtle and deceptive. They absorb more energy but they often walk away victorious, testing our patience and strength, ennobling us, belittling our ego, thereby transforming us into humble human beings.

Do you dismiss negative emotions without dealing with them?

Do they knock you down or do you learn something positive from them?

I am eagerly waiting for your answers.

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Thank you for your support. Please share your valuable reflections, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Protected: Stepping Into The Positive World With Emotional Quotient

Published on November 11, 2014June 16, 2017 by balroop singh

How To Enrich Your Personality With 3 Simple Values: #Consistency #dedication #sincerity

Published on November 4, 2014June 2, 2018 by balroop singh35 Comments

When I think of impressive personalities, consistency seems to be the most important requirement. We may feel more detached and free in today’s world, dedication and sincerity may appear to be a bit outdated but they are still revered and valued.

Consistency of principles and conduct give a distinctive shape to our personality. When we don’t change our behavior in the midst of crisis, under pressure or due to threats, when the influence of circumstances doesn’t crush us or change us, we can call ourselves consistent.

Consistency in relationships is the key to happiness and serenity. All relationships need an assurance, an assertion and an affirmation that they can be banked upon. Consistency lends that much needed emotional mortar to firm our relationships.

Consistent parents raise happy and healthy children and make a positive mark on their ever-evolving personality.

Dedication and sincerity are the offshoots of consistency, which align our actions with our concepts.

“Consistency makes the rain drops to create holes in the rock. Whatever is difficult can be done easily with regular attendance, attention and action.” -― Israelmore Ayivor

Just consider what consistency can do:

Consistency of thoughts evolves us into a better person. Even if our thoughts happen to be negative at times, they are shoved away by being positive and consistent.
Consistency of beliefs leads us through the darkest tunnels of our mind. Trust speaks to us during those disappointing moments to focus on positive aspects of life.
Consistency of values makes us a luminous personality. It makes us as tall and as bright as the lighthouse. People notice that consistency and get inspired.
Consistency of upright behavior endears us to all our acquaintances and friends who know that they can pin their hope on us.
Consistency of affirmative outlook sends a positive message to all those around us.
Consistency of diet, exercise and meditation keeps us healthy and fit.

Despite all the good that consistency brings to our relationships, and us… nobody cares about it! Why?

It is probably very demanding.

Demands of consistency:

Our actions should be in harmony with our values.
We must uphold our principles in all situations.
We treat all people with the same respect that we expect from them.
We need to maintain our integrity even during difficult times.
We have to come up to the expectations of others.

Our actions reveal our values and principles. If we don’t follow them consistently, we give out a clear message that we are faking our relationships. It is our behavior that exhibits what lies within us.‘ Without consistency there is no moral strength’- Owen

Dedication and sincerity:

I know these two terms are quite discomforting. One day, when I was emphasizing on their importance, one of my students kept staring at me in a strange manner, very clearly conveying through his looks that I was going overboard and should come back to the topic, which had triggered the so called ‘sermon.’

I could never forget those looks!

Those looks followed me, haunted me yet they couldn’t deter me from talking about these values whenever I got the opportunity.

Consistency, dedication and sincerity can enrich your personality.

How they help:

My conviction is that it is our zeal, our passion for work, which makes us noticeable. Whether you are a homemaker, trying to make your home more comfortable and loving, an entrepreneur or an ordinary worker, dedication and sincerity gleam through your work.

My friend, we can call her ‘Sage’ was so committed to her work that she was the admiration and envy of her colleagues, some of them waiting in the grass to pull her down the ladder of success. That did not deter her from her path.

She didn’t change her personality to please others.

She didn’t worry about being disliked.

She became a source of inspiration for many young men and women who were aspiring to make a mark through their work.

She has got many accolades for completing all the projects within the stipulated time despite the challenges she had to face in the form of limited resources and lack of support.

All those who interact with her immensely esteem her sincerity.

“When pure sincerity forms within, it is outwardly realized in other people’s hearts.” – Lao Tzu

Sincerity is like ‘truth’, which gives more of pain and poise but has long-term effects.

Have you ever felt admiration and pride for some persons? In what way are they special?

Have you aspired to emulate those affable personalities?

Were you attracted by their pleasing traits? Which one impresses you the most? I would love to hear your views.

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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.