Category: People
Why People Get Disliked?
This question that I ask myself often may be having a thousand answers but none of them appeals to me. That doesn’t mean I have not disliked people. In fact my likes and dislikes have been quite strong and firm.
I have written about people and their demeanor earlier also. I have tried to study the behavior of people around me, without really making any judgment albeit they think the opposite.
I have also tried to understand what being judgmental is.
Isn’t it human tendency to observe, to think and to form an opinion? That is just what I have been trying to do.
If forming an opinion is being judgmental, then I am!
I know many people who must have disliked me. All those who exhibited it openly gained my appreciation. I consider my critics to be my well-wishers. I have learnt a lot from their dislike.
If you have never given a thought to getting disliked, then you are welcome to scrutinize the following reasons:
Candor:
We don’t share our view candidly because we know that candor is the root cause of getting disliked. So what if it makes us hypocritical!! Isn’t it an accepted behavior? I have always disliked shrouding…especially feelings and emotions. I discovered quite later in life that truth and transparency are expected but exploited and disliked. It is so self-harming that our honest and straightforward outlook can be easily manipulated to let us down.
Silence:
So is silence. Those who choose silence and consider it ‘to be golden’ offend others unknowingly. Silence is a mute weapon, which is much sharper than words. Lack of communication breeds dislike as it gives an impetus to imaginative thoughts. Bias or pre-conceived notions become the basis of forming opinions. It is therefore imperative to share our perspective on all those situations, which concern us and can harm relationships.
Arrogance:
It directly leads us to dislike because it is very difficult to have a pleasant interaction with arrogant persons who have the tendency of dwelling in self obsessed realms of exalted nature. Would you like being called inexperienced, ignorant and imprudent? Would you like to be intimidated and bullied into whatever they want? I am sure anybody who challenges our self-esteem gets disliked.
Body language:
Certain kinds of body language can be very offensive. People who don’t want to say anything directly convey their words through this language and get disliked. Eyes can convey dissent much louder than words. A smirk can speak volumes about what goes on in your heart. Just your posture of standing and looking can belittle others.
Disrespect:
Respect is the foundation of all relationships. You may get disliked despite your best efforts to nurture a friendship if there is lack of respect. Respect and like are two pals, which move hand in hand. When somebody constantly puts you down, when your positive actions are misinterpreted and ignored, it is a clear sign of dislike.
Pretensions:
A fake behavior is like a double-edged sword. It can work both ways, harming the pretender as well as the person who dislikes such charades. When we pretend to be kind and considerate, when we put up a mask of friendship to betray and when we lie to keep up the appearances, we eventually get disliked. Nobody around us is such a big fool not to see through those shams.
Bragging:
It may not harm anybody but too much of self-praise often puts us off. I had such a colleague who would brag about all her achievements loudly, forgetting that many of those were very evidently the result of team-work but she would go on and on, gloating in self-perpetuated glory, failing to notice the meaningful smiles on the faces of others.
Dislike in itself is the biggest monster, which strikes emotionally imbalanced individuals. Most of the times they don’t know how to handle their anger and angst and therefore their frustrations overpower them. Since it is so easy to shift the blame, their illusionary world of dislike widens.
“I don’t dislike my haters, they dislike me. I’m doing nothing wrong. I’m just being me.” – Jaime Lopez
It is better to convey dislike in clear words to convert it into a healthier emotion. It may hurt us for a moment but it also helps us in understanding and working on our imperfections.
Have you been disliked by others? Do you have any other reasons of dislike in mind? I would love to hear your views.
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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.
Balroop Singh
Are You A Puppet Or Like Pulling The Strings?
Are we just puppets, dancing to the tunes of our masters who keep changing?
Are we tuned to twirl and change according to the wishes and expectations of people around us?
The most powerful weapon is love, which influences us instantaneously. Equally potent is emotional blackmail.
Just watch children who can be easily trained with affection and endearing emotions.
As we step out into a wider sphere, we come across many people who can easily pull the strings and enjoy doing so!
Which side of the fence do you sit?
A marionette is usually a laid back person, does not have strong opinions about anything and lacks the determination to resist any control.
Who tunes such people?
Circumstances, people, society, family members, someone at our work place…could be our Puppeteer.
Since childhood we are conditioned to follow certain values and beliefs, which mold our personality. The environment in which we grow, the kind of people we interact with nurtures our thoughts and emotions.
Living with manipulative people who try to control even our emotions may affect us in a negative manner.
They make us believe that the whole world is like that; nothing works right without pulling the strings. They try to prove that they are always right.
I have worked with such persons. They are so efficient at creating their own puppets that many willingly walk into their den!
Flexible and weak-minded persons let it happen before they figure out how much they manage to change us.
Understanding manipulators
Once we realize that we are being pulled into the world of our manipulators, we can unfetter ourselves before they take control of our thoughts and opinions.
It is quite difficult to fathom the depth of their snares; these ‘brainwashers’ possess the clout to clutch us, without any real force.
They can overpower our minds just by talking or lurking behind the screen, influencing us through our own weaknesses.
I have been trying to understand the emotion attached to this kind of mindset – is it manipulation or inherent trait of establishing supremacy or both?
Why do we let our strings be pulled?
- Fear of rejection?
- Anxiety to please?
- Inability to react?
- Naivety in understanding?
- Need of being loved?
- To avoid conflict?
- Eagerness to succeed?
Is there an emotional reasoning to tolerate them?
Don’t we encourage them by complying with their unfair demands, which keep going up, as we get accustomed to getting pulled?
Slowly we may accept the behavior of such people who try to condition us.
How to resist manipulations?
Have you ever tried to wriggle out of their effective tactics?
Make an effort; that is the first step.
Be firm. We can convey our unwillingness to follow them blindly without being impolite. Develop the habit of taking your own decisions.
Love can never be an excuse to give into the demands of such people. Real love does not demand anything.
Don’t get carried away by their appreciation, which might be another strategy to use you or get more work out of you.
Refuse to give into their intimidation; fear is the major cause of becoming a puppet.
Be patient; study the demeanor and demands of such people and then decide. Impetuosity doesn’t help much.
Respect your self-esteem and your rights. Think freely and nurture the resilience to push all the pressures away.
Work on your weaknesses. Don’t talk about them openly as they can be exploited against you.
I have raised my questions in this post and would eagerly wait for your opinion.
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Balroop Singh.
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Why I Married At 23…Sometimes We Do Make Wrong Decisions!
Our decisions cling to us, we have to live with some of them all our life. We might live in the shadow of regret because we didn’t have the maturity to ponder. We didn’t have the guts to speak up, to express our resentment, to rise against what appeared to be a wrong decision.
What if a parent or sibling makes those life-changing decisions?
What if they were made under societal pressures or moral bindings?
What if they are seen to be quite right by everybody around us?
All these questions didn’t crop up when I married at 23 (actually 22+) and it happened to be a happy marriage.
Thankfully, I have lived by that decision without any regrets.
I am not alone!
I know many girls marry at this age, out of choice. But the million-dollar question is: Are they enlightened enough to gather the import of such a decision?
When there is an unwritten decree that you have to marry when you are asked to just because it is convenient for the people around you, when the society values your muteness at such decisions, when you are expected to concur with what your near and dear ones decide for you, when you don’t want to displease them…do you have any choice?
In many cases that decision may turn you into a puppet, a slave, a housemaid, a sex symbol, a money-churning machine – who cares? You are seen as respectfully, happily married woman!
Now many such questions stare at me and I realize how simple, how immature and young I was at that time.
I couldn’t even understand that I was abdicating my dream, my aspiration.
I was told that I could still pursue it. I just chose to forget it but that is another story!
I was told that everybody must settle down. I could hardly fathom the depth of those words.
Did I have a choice? I was not expected to question or even see the man I was supposed to marry though I did raise some queries and insisted on meeting him at least once.
It is another matter that I met a kind and understanding man.
All those who are married off like this are not that lucky.
Those were probably primitive times…we didn’t have any Google to ask all those questions. We just had a radio and a gramophone, which sang away to glory and who was interested in the news that women had been granted equal status, that they too could claim their rights!?
Nothing has changed in this technology driven, digital world.
The unwritten diktats of the society follow young, naïve girls to their grave.
Younger brides can be easily molded, that is the belief. They can’t wield much power and will-power, this weakness can be easily exploited.
I didn’t have the power or the authority; they too face the same scenario.
The patriarchal societies are driven by the same age-old traditions of marrying a young girl, demanding (or expecting) dowry and considering the wife as a personal property.
My own niece met with the same fate and I couldn’t do anything! Isn’t it strange? But she chose to divorce!
She could only do so when the choice lay in her own hands and I appreciate her bold step.
I am not shifting any blame.
I could have also made a wrong decision. Many people do so.
I am only trying to understand how much has our society evolved. How much freedom have we attained and who have actually got that freedom?
At the same time, I am awe struck at the wrong decisions made in the western world, where dating at teenage endows them with too much of freedom.
They have all the choices!
We all make wrong decisions but when we make them ourselves, we move on, thinking it was a bad dream, a little mistake, and an aberration.
How long will the societal oppressions keep demanding the sacrifices of young, innocent girls? How long would their ambitions be thwarted by the biased demands of their culture and dogmas?
Thank you for reading this. I am sure you have some thoughts to share. Please do so.
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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.
Balroop Singh.
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Are You Ready To Change Your Outlook To Have Fun-filled Holidays?
Holidays have been celebrated since ancient times and they were always associated with simple, joyous activities. No longer so! Holidays now arrive with a lot of obligations and compulsions – all man made!
If you find Holidays stressful, you are not alone. I have heard a lot of people complain about that.
Did you notice the word ‘complain’?
Dwell on that. Contemplate, chew, ponder, think – why complaints?
LETS STOP COMPLAINING:
When our mind veers towards negative words, there is the need to rethink, change our perspective and alter our ways of handling the situation.
As children we always enjoyed the holidays, the luxury of sleep without the admonishing warnings of getting up and following the set routine, the ephemeral moments of running around the house, coming up with new demands everyday, gathering friends and exploring our surroundings…the activities were endless!
But my mom was always stressed, wished the holidays to get over soon. Probably she could not devise enough activities to keep us engaged. Probably we kept her too busy.
When holidays lose their charm and become a burden, we can’t shift the blame to those wonderful days, which we get to celebrate, enjoy and relax.
We have to unearth the ways to make them thrilling.
CHOOSE WISELY:
The choice lies with us. In our quest to overdo, we ruin the fun part; we forget the real sentiment attached to these exquisite days.
If you are stressed about the gifts, what is the need to give now? There are many occasions to give. It is the commercialization of festivities that have added to our stress.
We can refuse to be guided by those advertisements, which are meant to lure.
What is the need to wait for discount offers and long queues? The choice is yours!
Why give only to friends and loved ones who have plenty?
Why not give to the needy and soak in the feelings of becoming a philanthropist? The choice is yours!
If you are stressed about the decorations, keep them simple.
If you are stressed about overspending, plan and reduce the number of gifts. Once again the choice is yours!
If you don’t like the crowds and getting stuck in traffic jams, plan ahead or buy online.
If you are worried about weight gain, avoid overeating.
If interaction with some family members puts you off, have the heart to forgive and forget.
I know it is easier said than done.
We can train and tune our mind to accept one strategy at a time.
RELAX AND ENJOY:
- Nothing is perfect, why crave for perfect conversations and flawless food.
- Quit competitive spirit.
- You don’t have to come up to someone’s expectations.
- Shake off all the angst and guilt.
- Choose what makes you and your family happy.
- Reserve some time for yourself.
Fun lies in celebrating with those you love, those who can make the occasion memorable, those who don’t expect expensive gifts and who treasure the moments of togetherness.
Fun lies in being you. Follow your heart. Love the holidays. Count your blessings. More will follow!
Here’s wishing you Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!
Please share the wishes at your favorite social networks.
Thank you for your support. It is much appreciated.
Balroop Singh
Emotional Shadows 