People – Page 10 – Emotional Shadows

What If Some Experiences Are Not Positive?

Published on September 7, 2015September 9, 2015 by balroop singh24 Comments

Is life so simple? Can we control our experiences?

I stumbled upon the above quote and got a lot of positive energy from it but a thought immediately crossed my mind…what if some experiences are not positive? What if positive feelings are not reciprocated?

All people are not alike. There may be such persons in your life who are always trying to find some reason to irritate you and spread unpleasantness.

Some of them are around us all the time, in the form of our family members or colleagues.

Have you ever given a thought that negative experiences leave a deep impact on us? It is very difficult to forget them whereas positive people just pass by and are easily overlooked or taken for granted.

Life does not remain positive at all times. It is at such a challenging and grim time that positive thoughts lose their track.

This mind is so strange. It also gets distracted from its positive path.

What drives negativity? Why is it so easy to jump into this messy pool?

People! Some people are selfish. They have their own designs; their ulterior motives can never be understood. Some are arrogant, they disseminate negative vibes; they always try to put you down. Some have narcissistic traits; their presence in your life can be quite detrimental. Some are manipulative; they try to exploit your goodness.

I know many such people.

People are like an ocean! Understanding them is like diving into an ocean.

Some deep, some so shallow!

Some never come to the shore some never leave it.

If you are fortunate, you might find a pearl!

Human behavior is quite intriguing, oscillating between darkness and light.

The values, emotions and the virtues are ingrained in human soul but at the same time the vices that ensnare us can easily sway our integrity. Hurts can lead us astray.

Lack of guidance, injustice and disappointments bring out the worst behavior.

Teasing, bullying, violence, intolerance, wreaking vengeance and driving others to take the extreme step of committing suicide in modern societies seems to be an addition to human behavior.

A new negativity? However, it is possible that it lurked there in some other unfamiliar form.

Human behavior has chiefly been influenced by society, culture, region and religion, which has strengthened with time. There have hardly been any significant changes in the core values and ethics that have guided it.

Fear and insecurity may bring some changes in human behavior but only for a short period of time.

Despair and disillusionments follow us everywhere. They also change our behavior. How do we react?

Disappointments often intimidate us but if we keep talking to the hopeful aspect of our mind, if we refuse to let our mind be clogged with the fear of failures, if we embrace the tenacity of our positive spirit, we can strengthen this sentiment and pass it on to our children who exemplify true hope.

Have you ever felt the power of positive spirit?

If disenchantments follow you, learn to cultivate hope, which is an inborn virtue. It lies dormant if it is not nurtured.

Observe a child carefully and you will see an amazing amount of resilience and hope for achieving even the unattainable. A child may fall or fail but the efforts to learn new things never wane. It is the inherent quality of hope and happiness, which keeps children going robustly towards their goal.

As their little feet start growing, hope grows within them. Each step they take, each game they play, this hope becomes sounder.

No child ever thinks of losing. Cynicism is unknown to them. Little failures may dishearten them for a while but they start again with renewed efforts. It is the hope that carries them forward to catch happiness.

Hope fills enthusiasm in their efforts. They look forward to their parents for encouragement and reassurance to accomplish their little goals. When they see happiness on their faces, their spirit soars further. Hence a positive approach and support nurtures hope and happiness.

Hope and happiness are so interconnected!

It is the hope of being successful which leads us to it and happiness follows effortlessly. While conscious efforts are required for all that we hope to accomplish, happiness just meets us on the way to success.

I have had many such experiences, which have shaken my positive spirit but I have always bounced back by convincing myself that this is just a passing phase, by reminding myself that all people are not positive.

What are your reflections about meeting positive people? What impact have they made on you?

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Protected: How To Stop Hiding Behind Those Excuses…

Published on August 18, 2015June 16, 2017 by balroop singh

How Culture Molds Our Personality

Published on July 28, 2015 by balroop singh31 Comments

We may be born with a personality but it is molded by the environment and the social structures we dwell in. It is refined in the cauldron of cultural and social heritage, which affects each and every aspect of our life.

Cultural norms dictate our upbringing as we pick up the beliefs, values, attitudes and prejudices unconsciously from our families, friends, ethnic groups and society.

Early childhood experiences leave a profound impact on our personalities. Closed and conservative societies send a mute message to the child not to explore anything independently, thereby curbing the free spirit, which a child is born with.

Cultural conditioning starts the moment a child is born, the way he is christened, fed, educated and raised.

When the diktats of culture expect a child to follow certain set rules of a society, which fail to distinguish between the aptitudes and aspirations of an individual, which expects all the persons to stay within those boundaries – such families often raise introverts, serious and quiet individuals who are conditioned to be cautious at each step.

They grow up to be huge supporters of tradition and culture that they have imbibed. The chain of thoughts and ideas continue to be passed on to the next generation and that’s how certain redundant traditions continue to thrive.

When we grow up in a free and unrestricted surroundings, where there are no rules for wearing a particular dress or studying a compulsory subject, where swimming lessons are a norm for every child, we develop into original thinkers, independent, analytical, adventurous and determined.

Such persons become natural leaders, with the urge to accomplish all that they can conceive. They have a mind of their own and can never be misled by anti-social elements.

A competitive culture raises extremely ambitious children because the prodding to do better than the challenger in his peer group infuses a spirit of pursuing success aggressively. The enthusiasm to excel gets embedded in their personality.

They become highly successful, practical and conscientious workers. They can inspire many more to be like them.

A creative culture encourages children to develop their own exciting ideas and beliefs. When children are given the liberty to explore their own fun oriented activities, when their minds are not loaded with pre-conceived tasks, discovering and learning becomes a part of their personalities.

Such children grow up to be innovative artists who can be creative as well as idealistic. They are very adaptive, kindhearted and sensitive.

Hardworking culture brings the best out of children and train them at a very early stage to understand the dignity and value of work. Those who grow up with this culture around them tend to respect all kinds of work, are very helpful and cooperative, responsible and reliable.

However they miss on the leisurely aspects of life, as they are always eager to accomplish their goals. Since they are trained by difficult and harsh surroundings, they are highly resilient and flexible. Perseverance and loyalty are the hallmarks of such a personality.

Religious culture gives a distinctive shape to the personality, which has definite leanings towards duty and devotion. Children who are exposed to scriptures and places of worship at a tender age tend to become believers, some of them follow religious decrees blindly and lose their logical and analytical bent of mind. They may be submissive but stand firm with their beliefs, they may be abstemious and compassionate but are very sensitive towards their principles.

Such individuals develop a positive outlook, cultivate self-discipline and are laid back. They drift into their flock and can be easily misled into fanaticism. They can become fiercely active if they are exhorted in the name of religion.

Music culture in the homes produces extremely perceptive and patient individuals. They are driven by emotions; their passion for melody and harmony makes them highly creative. Mundane life doesn’t interest them, as they like to soar with their imagination. They are individualistic and like to follow their intuition.

What kind of personality do you have? Have you been influenced by any such culture? I would love to hear your views.

If you have liked this article, please share it at your favorite social networks.

Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.

Balroop Singh.

Can Women Escape Domestic Violence? An Emotional Approach…

Published on June 29, 2015June 30, 2015 by balroop singh23 Comments

My friend Lisa is writing a story on women’s escape from domestic violence. This post got an inspiration from her unstinted efforts to help ‘The Great Escape’.

Is it possible to escape domestic violence? I have often wondered…

If this could be probable, why would a woman of 21^st century swallow everyday abuse, why would she compromise and be told to ‘ADJUST’! Adjust to intimidation and assault? To slapping? To emotional blackmail?

If this could be conceivable, why would female feticide be forced upon a young mother who yearns to hold her child in her hands!

Why would a woman be assaulted or killed for petty demands like dowry or standing up for her rights?

I know I am presenting a very negative picture despite being a robust optimist.

But I have seen domestic violence, its shapes and shades. I have seen it grow and flourish despite laws against it.

Domestic violence is not just perpetrated by a husband or a partner. Families too are a party to it. To my mind, violation of basic human rights by anybody around us – a parent, a sibling or a relative – is domestic violence.

According to National Coalition Against Domestic Violence ( NCADV ) Domestic violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse.

I have seen so many women in such situations. They don’t even think that a mistreatment in a family means domestic violence. They don’t have the courage and the confidence to confront it.

Not just a husband unleashes domestic violence upon her; his mother is more to blame for nagging, verbally and physically abusing, making her work like a slave and not giving her enough to eat.

This is the story of most of the homes in many Asian countries.

Real story:

I had seen this woman in my early childhood…working all day, carrying out all the odd jobs of the house, from looking after the cattle of the house to cooking for the family as well as all those who worked in the fields. My most vivid memories are of those days when it would be raining heavily and continuously but she would be as active as ever, with just a gunny bag on her head, attending to the milking of the cows, early in the morning.

Abandoned by her husband at the young age of 25, she chose to live in his home all her life, probably due to societal pressures. She devoted all her life to her only child and grand children, giving them all they needed, without even a single word of complaint.

As I look back now, trying to understand the definition of domestic violence, this image seems to be more disturbing than physical violence in the homes. This memory is etched in my mind. The emotional wounds that I can feel even today for my aunt, after almost 5o years are irreparable.

Even today I can hear that unspoken message…where can I go?

Even today I can see that agony in her eyes saying…what can I do?

Who is responsible?

Women too are equally to blame for accepting such a behavior. Fifty years ago when economic independence and social taboos didn’t let them take any action, it could be understood but in the present era when there are no such constraints, women accept domestic violence as part of their life and destiny.

The sordid saga continues…

Another real story:

She is a highly educated, successful doctor and financially independent woman. There was a time when she could take her own decisions, when she was single though many of her friends couldn’t.

She married according to her own wishes, having found her soul mate at the age of 20. She has been living with domestic violence of unspeakable volumes but could never gather the courage of reporting it, stepping out of her marriage or divorcing her husband. She is a widely travelled woman but cannot step out of her own home, without her husband.

People say women have been empowered and emancipated! Really?

“We live in a world in which women are battered and are unable to flee from the men who beat them, although their door is theoretically standing wide open. One out of every four women becomes a victim of severe violence. One out of every two will be confronted by sexual harassment over her lifetime. These crimes are everywhere and can take place behind any front door in the country, every day, and barely elicit much more than a shrug of the shoulders and superficial dismay.” – Natascha Kampusch

Who can help?

No soft words or empathy, no laws or stern action against those who inflict such a cowardly act can help.

Only women, yes those women or victims who accept such a beastly behavior can help.

Unless you help yourself, all others effort go futile: