Category: Emotions
Confessions Of A Writer Who Loses Track And Feels Disillusioned…
I have been trying to write a book, trying to compress most of the experiences of my life, honestly into it but each time I go back to those pages, some kind of darkness descends on me.
I get wedged in those dark corridors. I feel stifled.
My thoughts veer into those unknown crevices where I have buried many setbacks, a thousand emotions and disappointments, which have been struggling to wriggle out.
I have endeavored to approach it from a different angle, interspersing it with fictional characters and situations to camouflage the darker moments but each time I have returned disillusioned.
My progress has been dismally slow; I lose the inspiration just after writing a few words. Meanwhile I have completed two books. My poetry flows most naturally and this has been a good reminder that I lack the will to come out of those long, narrow alleys, face sunshine and move forward.
The hope
But sunshine has been my lifeline, my motivation, and my most trusted friend who has always provided me the impetus to welcome positive thoughts.
I have been pondering who is the real culprit and why this unknown entity lurks around me…
There is one main character with ghost like eyes, prying at me all the time, holding my hands, scaring the life out of my fingers, paralyzing them, shooting at my thoughts, stealing all the ideas, showing daggers and making me quit.
Each time its approach is different. Sometimes it visits me right in the morning, even before I open my journal, exerting a strange power over my actions, distracting me into some meaningless activities.
The vice like grip of this monster holds all the words that seem to drift away, leaving me powerless.
There is always a villain, I reassure myself. I have the liberty to portray this villain in the darkest shades.
Devilish influence
Whenever I move ahead with this argument in my mind, I can race through some more pages, which reveal many more fiends, glowering at me through the words.
I refuse to give up. Nothing can bog me down. I continue to write. A day will come when all these devilish characters would stand exposed.
They will lose their hold on me one day.
Do I regret having buried them? Probably that was the only solution at that time.
Probably I didn’t have the maturity to handle their power at that juncture.
Now I can’t let them keep visiting me. Now I need to extort them out of my life. Words are more powerful than the sharpest weapons.
So I have been using just words.
“If I waited till I felt like writing, I’d never write at all.” – Anne Tyler
Thank you for reading these random thoughts. I know you too have some. Please share them.
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Balroop Singh.
Why Arrogant People Don’t Have Friends…
This is my third post on Arrogance, which is inspired from organic traffic.
This word – ‘Arrogance’ is detested by all due to the negative energy it carries but we all like to know more about its aspects and dimensions. Have you read how it can harm our personality?
Arrogance leads you into a self-created glittering world, making you the protagonist of those realms and the throne that feeds your ego is placed at a higher pedestal. It is very difficult to look at others with compassion and love when you gaze from that exalted throne.
Self-love dominates your thoughts and all those around you appear to be your friends and admirers.
Arrogance dwells in such a shallow zone where relationships do not hold any relevance. So friendship and arrogance can never move hand in hand.
Self-importance guides arrogance:
You have to step down from that platform of superciliousness to befriend people but your haughty nature doesn’t let you step down. You think you have a lot of friends and indeed you can see yourself surrounded by many people.
Admirers can never be your true friends. They would surround you till you entertain them, party with them and let your money flow freely for their benefit.
Arrogance detests emotions:
The only emotions that seem to be of any importance to arrogant persons are those, which concern them. If they have been snubbed at some stage of life, they carry that pain in their heart forever. If they have not been treated justly, they would call the whole humanity unjust. When they hide their true emotions from their friends, the latter can understand their demeanor.
Arrogance doesn’t trust anybody:
Trust is the main plank of true friendship but arrogant people are always on their guard. Their relationships remain superficial. They fail to open their heart to their friends and therefore their friendship never crosses that line of mutual trust. Those who try to be friendly with such people often discover this trait and walk off, feeling cheated.
Nobody likes to be judged and controlled:
Arrogance is that intoxication, which never lets you come to your senses. Those who acquire this trait think highly of themselves and try to judge even their friends. They manipulate them in various ways, which is always disliked. How long can any friend bear such a behavior?
Arrogance mocks at humility:
Such people consider humility to be a weakness. They look down upon benevolent and humble friends, which exposes their own hollowness. Virtues are very hard to maintain and therefore all those who try to endure the behavior of arrogant persons give up out of disappointment.
Arrogance thrives on dominance:
Would you like your friend to control your thoughts, influence you into doing something you may not be comfortable with? Arrogant people are compulsive rulers. They want to govern your feelings, your time and even your likes. They take pleasure in planning for all the people around them.
Do you have arrogant friends? Do you like their company? I would love to hear your views.
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Balroop Singh.
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Protected: 6 Emotions That Get Better With Prayer
Fears And Unknown Anxieties… Do They Keep Returning?
Do fears hibernate like reptiles? Are they similar to anxieties?
To my mind, most fears are external, caused by people and circumstances. Anxieties are internal – they could be unshared thoughts that scare us or cause uneasiness.
I eliminated my fears long back, having convinced myself that nothing scares me. I could face all kinds of people – the angry mother, the bullying brother, the intimidating boss, clever and selfish friends, the insecure colleagues, the indignant parents and some unruly students staring at me, with dagger eyes!
Interviews have never given me any nervous feeling albeit I have failed many.
I always had the courage to say whatever I wanted to… I have been called outspoken and rude for my temerity to stand up to injustice.
I always tried to close my eyes to those shadows of the past that followed me, warning them that they were powerless.
I have emerged out of them, knowing well that I could vanquish them with the bold spirit that I seem to have inherited.
That sinking of the heart when the airplane shudders in the air, that same feeling when the earthquake strikes is the only conscious and uncontrollable fear that lurks around me and I tell myself… ‘Well, I am not afraid of death. I am ready for it!’
As a child, whenever I closed my eyes to sleep, a small web like circle would always go round and round, multiplying itself into many. I could never interpret them or share that fear with anybody. Too scared to see it in reality, I would close my eyes tighter and they would keep on spinning, creating a contraction in my heart and a lump in my throat.
I could deal with those unknown fears alone. I have never shared this visual with anyone, thinking nobody would believe me. I knew I would be scoffed at.
I refused to struggle with the external fears and told myself that they are just a creation of my mind.
I have always lived like ‘I have nothing to fear’, as Fran Sorin’s guest, Tess Marshall, creator of The Bold Life suggests.
Intimidation could never affect me. My positive thoughts were stronger than bullying or accepting defeat.
I know I have emerged with invincible resilience.
Even after all these experiences with fear, after having defeated all of them, some fears are quite strange and inexplicable as they return in my dreams, even now.
May be in my eagerness to fight all kinds of fears, they got entrenched in my subconscious mind, revealing themselves only in dreams and that too in a vague, weird manner!
Whenever I have a feeling of insecurity or distress, I sleep badly. The nightmares are not very intense but I often wake up, having lost, unable to cross a water body or being surrounded by a sudden surge of water. If I try to take a different route to return home, water bars my way.
This recurrent dream has been quite consistent and whenever it returns, a grim reminder hits me – you can dismiss fears, bury them, forget them but you can’t completely wipe them out of your system as they slide into the inner recesses of our mind and get activated in the most unexpected manner.
I share my fears only with my inner voice.
I have been learning to calm them down with the most logical approach that fear is an innate emotion; all fears are a product of this emotion.
Can we eliminate an inborn emotion? Then why do we delude ourselves with the belief that we can obliterate ‘fear’ out of our minds?
I have written about this delusion.
You can click to read more: Swamped By Fears? The Real Monsters…
Thank you for reading this. I am sure you have some thoughts about fear. Please share them.
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Thank you for your support. Please add your valuable comments, they are much appreciated.
Balroop Singh.
Image credit: http://m.diary.ru
Emotional Shadows 